Grey Fairytale
by Girl-Apart5
Summary: A Black/N AU that I need to get out of my head. Written in the style of an old fairytale, N is the king of a middle-age era country, and Black is his knight. However, this is a very dark story, so read at your own risk. Full warnings inside
1. Once Upon a Time

Alright, let me give you a brief introduction. This story is basically crack in the guise of a serious story, and should not be taken too seriously. Not that it's funny or anything, it really isn't, but it's very much like a fairytale in it's lack of.. believableness... You'll understand soon enough.

The first chapter jumps around in time a lot, I hope it's not too confusing. Since it's told in Black's POV, I let everything seem kind of dream-like. I'm planning on around five short-ish chapters or so, and I have pretty much everything figured out, but actually writing it is always where I trip up. Please forgive any long waiting periods between chapter uploads. I'm also considering drawing an illustration or two, but who knows when that will happen...

Now for the warnings, because this story is not for the faint of heart. It contains, as I have planned it thus-far: Sex (the yaoi kind), murder, violence, rape (Ghetsis is in this, after all), torture (mental, emotional, and physical. Hoo boy), angst, and more sex. I was originally considering throwing in Mpreg, but maybe that's too much... I'll probably leave that out unless you guys want me to add it. Anyway, if those things bother you, I would suggest you go read something else, because I'm not gonna pull of any punches.

With that said, let us commence!

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><p><em><strong>grey:<strong>_

–_of a neutral tone, intermediate between black and white_

–_dark, dismal, or gloomy_

It is the solemn duty of a knight to protect the king with his very life.

That's what I honestly believe, but what am I supposed to do when my king's orders, which I have sworn to obey without question, conflict with my other vow of protecting him?

This is the question plaguing the back of my mind as we lay here together on the rug in front of the roaring fireplace, making love as though the rest of the world did not exist.

After year of serving him faithfully as his personal bodyguard, my every fantasy came true when on that rainy day last week, he whispered a timid order into my ear.

"_Touch me."_

What else could I do but obey? I loved him. And had loved him for three years before that moment. For me at least, it had been love at first sight. Like something out of a fairytale.

The previous king had succumbed to illness, leaving no family to take the throne. However, before he died, he left a will stating that years ago he had been given a prophecy from a mysterious witch who told him that he would be succeeded by a child who would lead the kingdom into a new era. This boy, then an infant, was raised by the Seven Sages, the king's personal council made up of astrologists, wise men, and nobles. He would be given the same education as any crown prince, and be legally declaired the next ruler.

I was thirteen then, and for the most part too involved in my study of swordsmanship to pay much heed to the scandal that brewed in the wake of this announcement. No one had ever seen or heard of this mysterious person who would claim the throne on the whim of a witch, and the kingdom stirred with anxiety.

However, when the old king passed away and the crowning ceremony was held, most of the those fears vanished in the wake of awe.

Just sixteen years old, the boy called N captured the hearts and minds of everyone to lay eyes on him, and that included myself. He had a way about him, an aura of regalness and charisma that was nothing if not perfect for a king.

When I first saw him, standing on the castle balcony after being crowned king, I was reminded of childhood tales of elves and faeryfolk said to be impossibly beautiful people of the forest who would lead lost children to safety and bewitch travelers. I truly wondered if he was one of them, with his pearlescent skin, flowing green hair, and distant eyes. Someone of such perfection could not be human, but if he was an elf, then it was already too late. The entire populace was under his spell in an instant.

So enchanted was I by this magnificent creature that I dedicated myself to becoming a swordsman worthy of knighthood. If I could be a knight, then I had a chance to be close to him. There was nothing else I wanted more, and for two years I trained tirelessly with that goal, surpassing my teacher and all the other students in spite of my small stature and slender physique.

It was at that time that a nation-wide tournament was being held to decide the greatest swordsman in the land. The prize going to the winner was not just a title, but the duty to be the king's personal knight. My chance had come more perfectly than I could have ever hoped, and with my heart beating wildly, I entered the tournament.

Many fine swordsmen from all across the kingdom were there, gathered in the great Colosseum. I could see that all they wanted was to be called the strongest, but I had a more substantial dream than that, one fueled by love. Whether or not I was actually the strongest in body or technique, the belief I had in my own ability was unrivaled, and it carried me straight into the finals.

I stood there in the ring as a massive crowd roared all around. In front of me stood a massive man, the last obstacle to achieving my dream. I paid him little heed, however, because today, the last day of the tournament, Lord N was attending to watch the battles.

Up there in the private box reserved for royalty and the Seven Sages, he sat in wordless observation. I noticed that he looked bored, or rather, it seemed to me that he didn't approve of any of this. Those solemn eyes would turn away from whichever two opponents were clashing blades, and I wondered if he thought this sport mediocre, or repulsive.

It made me worry, to be honest. Would I disgust him, having fought with such abandon to reach the top?

I was pulled from my thoughts when over the din of the crowd I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Looking over to the sidelines, I saw my two best friends since we were toddlers, Bel and Cheren. Bel was waving her arms wildly and cheering for me even though the match had not yet started, and Cheren wore a confident smile.

Seeing them gave me my fortitude again. Whatever the king thought of this tournament, and of me when I won it, there would be plenty of time to earn his trust once I was his knight. The hardest battle was standing there between us here and now.

Flashing them both a grin in return, I took off my hat and tossed it away before unsheathing my sword. The match was about to begin.

One last time I glanced up at Lord N, and almost froze when I did. He was watching me. Really watching. Did I interest him in some way? I was the youngest swordsman to hold his own in this tournament, and now here I stood with only one more opponent before I could win the grand prize, so I suppose it was only natural for him to find me interesting, but I still felt as though he was expecting something of me.

I'm sure I ought to be nervous, but instead I was filled with confidence. Now I could prove my worth to him. I was not fighting with anything but the pure strength of my will, and maybe, just maybe, he could see that.

The bell was rung, and I rushed towards my rival.

That was just one year ago. So much had happened, it felt like ten. At that time, I never would have expected that I now be here, in N's arms, reveling in the sensation of his sweat-soaked skin rubbing against mine, hearing his voice whimpering and gasping so intimately. To think of all the nights I dreamed about him like this, but never dared to hope for it's reality. If only these secret moments could be as sweet as I had pictured, and not marred by the horrific truth I was helpless against. I was the strongest swordsmen in the kingdom, and yet I could not so much as draw my blade on his waking nightmare.

Up until last month, this year since the tournament seemed so rose-coloured, so full of happiness. How had I been so blind as to not see the shadows? Or had I just not wanted to see them?

I should have been able to hear him. His silent voice beneath the words he spoke, begging me to be his savior. Now he told me to turn a blind eye, and all I can hear of his true voice is the crying of someone at the end of their rope.

Three years ago, I was still unable to perceive his hidden emotions, although he knew mine from the very first moment.

I had won. Standing there in the wake of the announcement that I had defeated the last opponent and earned the final victory, I felt slightly stunned. Two years of struggling towards this moment, it was now here. I had fulfilled my dream.

I was so caught up in my stupor that I did not notice that the crowd had gone eerily quiet. I just stared down at my sword as though it was the physical form of my completed goal.

Then I heard him.

One of the first things the kingdom learned about their new young ruler was that he was not one for public speaking. Those matters were handled by Ghetsis Harmonia, the leader of the Seven Sages and the most powerful man in the country under the king. But even though I could count the times I had heard him speak on one hand, I still was able to recognize his voice past the rushing in my ears.

"Congratulations."

My head shot up, and I saw that he was right in front of me. Tall and beautiful and smiling.

It felt like I was in a dream. Please don't let me wake up...

"Y-your Highness!" I quickly bowed my head as I felt my face heat up.

"You have fought all this way, and now the title of 'strongest' is yours, as is the honor of becoming my knight. But before that, there is something I wish to ask you."

I glanced up at him in surprise. "Majesty?"

Up close like this, he was even more unreal. His eyes seemed to look straight through me, and I could not read his emotions at all, something that for a swordsman is quite disconcerting.

"I have observed the way you battle." He continued, still with that enigmatic expression. "It is with a purpose. A true purpose. You were fighting for a dream, were you not?"

So he had noticed.

"I was, Sir."

That strange smile widened slightly, and he nodded. "Yes, I thought so. I do not enjoy fighting, or violence of any kind, but I have read that swordsmen can understand each other through battle. I want to feel the strength of that dream of yours. Would you accept?" Even though it sounded like he was asking me, as he spoke he removed his long white cloak and carelessly tossed it aside, his crown following after it. Then he unsheathed the legendary Reshiram, the holy white sword wielded only by the king. It was said to contain the spirit of an ancient dragon who would only obey those pure of heart. "Will you cross blades with me?"

I stared, entranced by both that beautiful sword and it's beautiful owner. Fight the man I loved? Fight the king I longed to serve? It was a request I was not sure I could fulfill, but what he was asking me... Beneath this odd proposal were words I as a swordsman could understand. To speak through the blade instead of the voice was a gift among true warriors, and if he wanted to forge that kind of connection between us, to feel the strength and honesty of my dream, then that could only mean that he acknowledged me as someone worthy of listening to.

A tremble began deep in my bones, not from fear but excitement. Letting it fill my blood with power, I straightened my stance and took hold of my sword with both hands. "It would be my greatest honor."

In the next instant, the sound of metal clashing rang through the otherwise silent Colosseum.

Since then, I had had many chances to spar with N, and it was a great source of pride for me that I was the only person he ever trained with. It was something special between us, a way to speak frankly that our difference in social status would never otherwise allow. As time went on, I realized that more than anything it was because he trusted me. He trusted no one else in the world but me. And I know best of all how very difficult it is for him to trust, but little by little he had pulled me closer, first as a friend, and now a lover, innocently handing me everything he had; his thoughts, his emotions, his body, and trusting me completely to handle them all gently.

The first thing he told me about himself, through his skilled and intricate swordplay, was that beneath his distant and aloof facade, N was an exceptionally passionate person. His beliefs were every bit as strong as my own, and for the first time since I began fighting with my whole heart, I was evenly matched. There in that Colosseum, I knew that it was fate. We had been born to meet, to be together in one way or another.

But at that time I could never have pictured spending a moment like this with him. To be holding him, kissing him, moving inside him as he sobs with pleasure. I feel as though I have caught an angel in my arms. An angel with torn and broken wings, but still every bit as sacred and pure as one could be.

I felt that way even then, as our first dance came to a standstill. We had said what we wanted to convey to each other, and determined that as swordsmen and dreamers we were equal. Sliding to a stop in the dust, we smiled at each other almost boyishly as we sheathed our swords and caught our breath. Around us, the crowd we had forgotten and which had been watching silently erupted into applause.

"An excellent show of skill!" We both turned to see Ghetsis walking towards us. "This young boy is truly worthy of being called the kingdom's strongest. He shall make a fine knight! Now come my King, you should start preparing for the celebration." He picked the discarded crown up off the ground and placed it back upon Lord N's head, letting a servant gather the dusty robe as he guided the king towards the stadium's exit.

After that, the hours leading up to the ceremony were like an endless blur, dragging on like some strange dream. First was the wild party at the tavern/inn Bel's family owned, the large room full to bursting with everyone I had ever known and many others I had never seen before, all wanting to congratulate me. Bel kept hugging me and crying while Cheren stubbornly tried to fill my head with stern instructions and good advice, none of which I was able to retain.

Then I was pulled by royal servants into one of the rooms upstairs where I was told to bathe and afterwards was fitted with a very elegant outfit and made to look presentable before being taken in a fancy carriage to the castle.

I had never been inside before, and being a simple commoner's son, my dazed mind was dealt another blow by the sheer finery of the palace and all the nobles attending. Everything seemed to glow like magic, but of course, nothing was quite so beautiful as my king, who was dressed in flowing white robes embroidered with gold.

Kneeling before him, I felt the touch of Reshiram on my shoulders, and then I was standing as a knight, _his_ knight, looking up into blue-green eyes, falling into them. It was the beginning of the rest of our lives, and to this day I'm still lost in the depths of his eyes, wandering through the maze there as I search for his heart.

Now just a year later, with only the crackling fire to bear witness, I devote my entire being to his pleasure. Slowly, and with great care, I roll my hips against him, pulling out, sliding in. With each retreat he keens, wordlessly begging for my return, and with each stroke back inside, I touch that place inside that has him gasping.

A year ago I swore myself to him, as a sword and as a shield. In the time that has passed I promised to be his friend. Then he asked me to be the one to chase the darkness from his mind. I should be so happy that I could be the source of so much goodness in his lonely life, that with this body I can bring him to bliss. I should feel that my existence is complete to hear him cry my name in ecstacy as he falls over the edge.

But this isn't what I should be doing.

A knight's sole purpose is to protect his king, and yet he has ordered me to do nothing. Nothing except hold him and love him and pretend that just this can take away his suffering.

He falls asleep in my arms, but I remain staring into the fire for long hours afterward, clinging to the fragile body that I am not allowed to protect.


	2. There Was a Child King

And here is chapter two! It's short and light and fluffy and that is very misleading, because shit hits the fan in the next chapter. Enjoy the adorable while you can. Also, I've been on a role so chapter three is already almost done. In fact I can say with near-certainty that it will be uploaded tonight and ensure that you won't be able to sleep after reading it because I am a sadistic writer.

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><p>In the two months since I became Lord N's knight, I learned a great deal about my master.<p>

For the most part his days were filled with reading books and doing paperwork, but even those mundane tasks were not boring, simply because it was _him_. Lord N was the most fascinating person I had never known could exist.

With almost everything he did, he had to be outside, usually in the vast gardens behind the castle, regardless of the weather. He would sleep in the grass, pick flowers, and feed the birds. I was stunned the first time I saw how animals gathered around him. Birds landed on his hands and arms and even in his hair, while squirrels and rabbits settled down in his lap, and deer came right up to him. He would spend hours talking to them as if it was perfectly natural, calling each by name. Then he would lay down and take a nap, and they would sleep there with him. It certainly added to my theory that he was an elf of some sort.

Then sometimes he would bring out a whole stack of books from the library and leave several open in front of him, apparently able to read more than one at a time, and at truly startling speeds.

Or he would just sit and look at the scenery quietly, the very picture of contentment as his fingers absently picked at the grass beneath him.

So many times I wanted to say something, to strike up a conversation, even though I had never really been the talkative type. I just wanted to know what he was thinking about, if what he was reading interested him, or how he was able to tame animals like that. However, that would be out of line. It was not my place to speak unless spoken to, so I only looked on silently.

Then one day he brought a large sack out with him, and as always I lingered a ways away while he dumped the contents out on the grass. It was full of toys. Somewhat flabbergasted, I just stared as the king, three years older than myself, spent hours playing with those toys, as well-entertained as any ten-year-old would be. I could not decide if it was bizarre or adorable.

It was not until the time Lord N happened to spot some children on the other side of the castle wall that I began to understand why he was the way he was.

At first I just watched him watch the group of children laughing and playing together. He seemed so interested, and almost wistful.

I almost jumped when he suddenly addressed me. "What are they doing, Black?"

"Well," I stepped out onto the balcony where he was so I could get a better look at the children. "They're playing hop-scotch, I suppose."

"What's hop-scotch?" Lord N glanced at me, and I realized he really did not know.

"It's a game." I answered rather stupidly.

"How do you play it? They seem to just be jumping on marks drawn on the cobblestone."

"Er.." How exactly does one explain hop-scotch? "Well, you make a series of squares or circles and mark them with numbers. Then you have to step on them in order. There are variations you can add to make it more fun, but that's the basic premise."

He blinked at me, then went back to observing the children. "I see." After a moment, he turned to me again. "Have you ever played hop-scotch?"

"When I was kid, yes."

Those eyes stared at me for a while longer. "Will you teach me?"

"W-will I..?" I stuttered. Teach a king how to play a simple children's game?

But he nodded, perfectly serious.

"Of.. Of course, Sire. If you wish me to."

Lord N's face lit up. "Then let's go!"

"Uh, wait!" I called out, seeing as he was already halfway to the door. "We'll need chalk or something.."

This did not seem to be a problem. "Alright." He said easily, heading for one of the chests he kept in his bedchamber and rummaging around for a while before pulling out a tin full of chalk sticks. "Will this do?"

"That's fine.." The part of me that remembered being a child felt just a little jealous seeing the multitude of fine toys piled in that chest.

With the chalk now procured, I soon found myself standing in one of the small courtyards in the garden, explaining the method of drawing a hop-scotch course in further detail.

"So it's alright to make it a bit more complicated?" He inquired, having taken in my fumbled instructions quite well.

"Yes, I suppose."

"Right." And with that he got to work, a look of concentration on his face.

"I.. I can help.." I offered weakly, still unsure that this was a good idea.

"No."

"..Alright.."

Feeling very weird about this whole situation, I sat down on a nearby bench and watched my king busily draw across the stone ground.

Not for the first time, I wondered what kind of childhood he had had. Playing so happily with toys, but not knowing what hop-scotch was? He was such a youthful, innocent person that I often felt as though I was babysitting a very tall, very handsome child, but he was also very smart and solemn beyond his actual age. My Lord N is an enigma.

"Black, I'm done! Come show me how to play, now!"

Looking up from my thoughts, I stood and walked over to the large array of very neatly-drawn squares where His Majesty waited. When I saw just how he had made it "a bit more complicated", my face drained of colour.

"So, instead of just hopping from one number to the next, I made these formulas that– What's wrong?"

"H-Highness.." I began, feeling my eyebrow twitch. "Forgive me, but.. I only have a commoner's education.. I don't understand this at all." Written inside each square were various complicated symbols combined with numbers and letters, and I could make neither heads nor tails of any of it. I had neglected to remember that on top of everything else, Lord N was a genius.

He visibly deflated. "You don't? It's all quite simple."

"Yes, well..."

We stood there looking at the overly complicated hop-scotch, both at a loss as to what to do now. Finally I looked over at him.

"Perhaps we should play something else."

"Like what?"

"Like.. Tag, or something.."

"What's tag?"

"...You don't know what tag is?"

"I've never heard of it."

It would be almost certainly out of line to ask this, but.. "Didn't you have playmates as a child?"

"Of course I did." We stared at each other silently for a moment before he elaborated. "The animals."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Well, I guess then you wouldn't know about games you play with more than one person.."

"There are many such games?"

"Yes."

His eyes widened excitedly. "Teach me! All of them!"

I blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I want you to play with me, Black!"

"But I'm just.. I'm not.."

He stepped forward and I took my hand in both of his. "Please play with me. Tell me all about what it's like outside this castle."

For a moment I could only stare at him. All this time, he must have been so lonely.. Without a real childhood, without knowing how to grow up... "If you wish it of me, my Lord."

That was how we spent the next month. I taught him every game I knew, how to climb trees and to swim. At some point, we forgot that we were king and knight, and just became friends, albeit only in private. Even though I felt awkward, stepping across the gap between us, it was so nice to be able to talk to him, to listen to the things he wanted to say. That I could be his first human friend meant more to me than anything.

Over the course of that month, little by little he told me about himself. Because of the witch's prophecy, the Seven Sages deemed that he would be kept in a "controlled environment" so as to keep his mind and heart pure and perfect, and locked him away in a small room in a far part of the castle. It had but one barred window through which he made friends with the animals of the forest just outside, and knew no human contact but for the Seven who tutored him and the two nursemaids who cared for him until he was old enough to do things by himself.

The result of this method for raising a child, of nothing but solitude and study, was a brilliant and innocent young man who only knew the world through the books he read. Oblivious to the harshness of reality, he was exceptionally kind to the point of naivety. This wise and caring person was truly a fine king.

Or rather, he would be, were it not for a terrible problem. One that even I was unaware of until I received a letter from Cheren.

Apparently the world beyond the castle walls was far displaced from the timeless cheer I now shared with Lord N. I was stunned to read that unfair laws were being passed to raise taxes and cast a merciless shadow over any and all who could not comply. Cheren was nearly furious, demanding to know what the king I was so enamored with was doing.

It was not until that moment that I realized something I could not believe I had neglected to notice: Not once had I ever seen Lord N do anything resembling a king's duties other than sign piles of documents. He attended no meetings, dictated nothing, and heard not a single word from his subjects. For all intents and purposes, he was left to wander about doing whatever he pleased while the government was run without him.

But why? Lord N was perfectly capable of running this country, so why then did it seem like he was nothing more than a puppet ruler?

The reason came too easily: Ghetsis Harmonia. He was the one controlling everything, it was obvious. I had only met him formally once, but it was known across the kingdom that he was very fitting as the leader of the Seven Sages. The Harmonia bloodline had served the royals since the founding of this country, and they were rumored to be mages. However, Ghetsis was now the last of the clan, yet he took no wife. All I really knew about him was that he was an almost eerily charismatic person who claimed to be Lord N's mentor. But the few times I had been in his presence, one could only feel intimidated, and now I suspected that Ghetsis was the one behind the rising turmoil in the kingdom.

It was inexcusable, but what could I do? I should of course tell Lord N, but then what? Somehow I had a bad feeling about this entire situation.

What could have gone differently had I been able to know that our month of happiness was only possible because that man was gone on a journey around the kingdom, and that with his return he would bring with him the nightmare would threaten to consume both Lord N and I.


	3. Who Was the Prisoner of a Monster

Two chapters in one day, holy shit! Alright, now the story kicks in full throttle, which means that this chapter contains RAPE and MURDER. If that disturbs you, I don't even know why you've come this far because I warned you back in chapter one. GTFO.

I'M SO SORRY N, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

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><p><em>How many regrets must I suffer? How many times will I fail him? How many times can I afford to until he breaks? Or am I already too late?<em>

_Why did I not just get him out of there when I had the chance?_

It was Lord N's eighteenth birthday, so of course a grand party was held. Ghetsis returned from his trip, and now I took note of how he said nothing of what he did while he was gone to Lord N, but spent most of the time speaking with the six other Sages in a dark corner of the ballroom.

The evening went by quickly as I stood to the side, watching Lord N dance with the noblewomen and open presents and generally look beautiful. When the party ended, however, he headed straight for the gardens after slipping away with me in tow.

"Where are we going, my Lord?" I asked him. "It's late, don't you think you ought to retire for the night?"

He only shook his head and continued purposefully down a path we had never taken before. After much weaving and winding, I felt my jaw drop to see that we were now entering the royal graveyard.

"Majesty.. What business do you have here..?" Lord N did not strike me as the kind of person who would willingly enter a cemetery in the middle of the night.

"It's the anniversary of my mother's death." Was his soft reply as he continued towards a large family tomb.

"I.. I'm so sorry.." He lost his mother on his birthday? Just how had he been able to get through this day with a smile?

Lord N knelt on the steps leading up to the tomb and set down the bouquet of roses he had brought with him from the party. It was then that I noticed the family name carved above the door.

"Wait.. Harmonia..?"

He nodded and pointed to the large plaque nearby upon which the names of everyone buried inside were carved. The last on the list was Madeline Harmonia, and according to the dates, she had been twenty years old when she died, and Lord N only four.

"Then you're related to Ghetsis?"

"She was his younger sister."

"..What about your father? Where is he?" It was a question I had wondered often, although I had assumed that he was either an orphan or had perhaps been bought from his parents when the prophecy named him future king.

Lord N was silent for a moment before replying. "I never knew any father."

Unsure of what I should say, I watched as he moved to sit down against the door, but when he curled up into a ball and shut his eyes, I took a step forward.

"My Lord? What are you doing?"

"I'm tried."

"Y-you can't sleep here!"

He looked up at me then, and in the moonlight I saw that he was shaking terribly, and there were tears in his eyes. "I don't want to go back.. Please let me stay here tonight..."

Feeling my heart break at the sight of him, I knelt down and removed my long jacket to cover him with before wiping away his tears. "Don't you want to at least be more comfortable?"

"I'm fine here."

"Alright, whatever you wish, my Lord. I will be here with you."

His eyes slid shut again, so I went over to lay on the grass until I felt myself drifting off. Getting up, I paced around and stretched to stay awake. Even though this was a private cemetery, there was no telling what might happen, so I was determined to keep a close vigil.

Some hours later I hear him stir and mumble in his sleep. At first I thought nothing of it, but then he began to whimper. Returning to his side, I saw that he had started crying again.

'A nightmare?' I wondered. As if to answer, his whole body flinched violently and he starting sobbing. Panicking slightly, I shook him awake as gently as possible.

"Lord N? Lord N! It's alright, you're dreaming!"

With a gasp he awoke, looking around in frantic confusion for a moment before noticing me.

"Black.." He whispered, face crumbling as his moment of terror passed.

"I'm here." I reassured him softly. "You must have been having a nightmare."

He nodded, and I saw that he had begun to shake again.

"..Would it help to tell me about it?" It was what my mother always used to ask when I had a nightmare, and sometimes it did make me feel better, so...

For a long moment he said nothing. "I remember." He whispered at last. "I remember that night. When Mother died."

"Weren't you only four?"

"It's one of the earliest memories I have. We were riding a horse.. Then we fell.. I wasn't hurt, but she.. She was covered in red... I don't remember her face, just the sight of her laying there..."

"Oh, my Lord.." Feeling helpless, I moved closer and put one arm around him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

We stayed that way until the sun came up, and at last he agreed to return to the castle.

"Are you sure you'll be ok?" I asked once more as we stood outside his chambers.

"Yes. Thank you for keeping me company. I.. It helped. It helped not to be alone."

I returned his faint smile. "Whenever you need me, I'm right here. I'll always be here for you."

Lord N turned away, and I almost did not hear his last words.

"You can't always."

Third Person POV

N stopped as he returned from his bath, the warmth from the water leaving his body all at once when he saw the man sitting on his bed.

"Good afternoon, N." Ghetsis said smoothly.

"Good afternoon." The young man returned in a soft voice as his eyes fixed themselves on the floor.

"Has it been so long that you're shy now? Come here and greet me properly."

Swallowing, N stepped forward and crawled onto the man's lap, kissing him on the cheek.

"So you spent the night in the graveyard, did you?" Ghetsis's tone was mild, but N flinched anyway. "It's a good thing no one was the wiser, but you really ought to have told me. A whole month apart and yet you would prefer to sleep amongst the dead than be here with me?"

"I'm sorry..."

Ghetsis suddenly grabbed a fistful of N's hair and yanked his head back harshly so the boy was forced to look into his eye. "Such a disrespectful act, and you think you can be forgiven so easily?"

"No.. O-of course not..." A hand was now sliding up his bare thigh.

"You made me wait a whole extra night. That won't go unpunished."

Panic raced through him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He cried desperately, struggling weakly against the fingers tearing at his hair.

"Stop your sniveling!" Ghetsis threw N off his lap onto the floor where his head slammed hard against the stone. "Undress and get in bed before I take my riding crop to you, ungrateful whelp."

The back of his head was throbbing, but thankfully not bleeding. N got shakily to his feet and pulled off his nightdress before quickly joining Ghetsis beneath the blankets where the man already waited for him. The moment he lay down against the larger body, however, he was shoved onto his back and pressed into the mattress by the heavy weight now on top of him.

Turning his head to the side, N closed his eyes and tried to think about something else, something other than the rough hands running all over his body and the tongue licking his neck. Obediently he wrapped his legs around the man's waist and gripped the pillow beneath his head, because he was never allowed to touch more than necessary. While Ghetsis currently seemed content with taking his time, N forced his body to relax, to become numb, to forget the pain in his head and the worse pain that would soon come between his legs. To ignore the heated whispers in his ear that he was a good, beautiful boy who knew how to please.

Even though years of practice had made him very good at detaching himself from these moments, it had been a whole month, and he could not stop the cry wrenched from his throat when Ghetsis pushed into him. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled over, and no matter how hard he clenched his teeth, with every thrust back inside he let out another yelp of pain.

"You're so tight." Ghetsis grunted. "I can barely get all the way in. Does it hurt, my little N?"

"It hurts!" N's head tossed on the pillow, a pathetic attempt to escape even as his legs clung to the man tearing him apart.

"It should hurt. I was planning on being so gentle with you when I got back, but you had to keep me waiting. You're just so much like your mother. I left you with her too long after all, and that defiant personality rubbed off on you. What will it take to beat that out of you, boy? How far do I have to go to make sure you'll never get it in your head to run away?"

"I won't leave!" N sobbed. "I won't ever! I promise! I promise!"

Ghetsis slid his hand down to where he repeatedly tore into the young king before lifting now-bloody fingers up to smear N's cheek, loving the sight he made. "You had better mean that. You know that this is the only place for you in the world. Do you think me cruel? No, even this pain is my kindness. So many things I could do to punish you, but instead I choose not to mar your perfect flesh. I am only ever kind to you, N."

"Yes.." At last he was starting to feel numb, his body limp and pliant against the assault. In a reflex his tears continued to fall, soaking his hair and the pillow beneath, but he had stopped crying. It would be over soon, and maybe if he was lucky Ghetsis would let him return to the warm bath water where he could try to soak away the pain and the stink of blood.

Ghetsis groaned, and a burning heat pooled deep inside him. Then the weight lifted, replaced with a chill and emptiness. His stiff fingers ached as he forced himself to let go of the pillow, but just as he was about to give up and pretend to be asleep, he heard the door shut and looked around to find that Ghetsis had left.

Feeling a rush of relief, N struggled to sit up. When at last he managed, however, he caught sight of something across the room that made him freeze.

It was only his reflection in the mirror, his hair wildly tangled, face flushed and eyes red from crying, and a streak of blood ran across his cheek. All he could do was stare without seeing himself, but another face he had tried for so long to remember.

_The night air was cold, so N pressed himself close against his mother's bosom as she lifted him up into her arms after getting on the horse she had just finished saddling._

"_Hold on tight, N." She whispered. "And remember not to make a sound."_

_He nodded and fisted his fingers in the fabric of her cloak, stifling a gasp as the great creature beneath them began to trot out of the stable before breaking into a gallop the moment they reached the edge of the forest._

_Madeline had said they were leaving, that they were going far away where they could be outside and live happily. That this was his birthday present. N did not understand much, but he could feel her heart racing beneath his ear as she clung to him with one arm and knew she was scared despite her reassurances, so he was, too._

_Then suddenly she cried out in alarm and they were flying through the air for what seemed like forever before landing with a great thud that knocked the breath from his lungs. Beneath him N heard his mother groan, and then footsteps approaching._

"_I am so disappointed, Madeline." It was Ghetsis. "How could you try to leave me and run off with the future of this kingdom? You did not honestly think you could get away with it?"_

_N let out a small whimper when his mother rolled them over until he was pressed between her and the ground._

"_You won't take him from me!" She shouted, her voice tight with pain and fear._

"_We discussed this, dear sister. Now that he has turned four he no longer has any need for you. I let you keep him for two extra years because you asked so nicely, why must you still be ungrateful?"_

"_You can't have him, you monster! No! Let go of me! GIVE ME BACK MY SON!"_

_The mother and son were yanked up from the ground and arms pulled N away from Madeline. Now he was held by one of the black-clad men who served Ghetsis, while the other two forced her in front of the Sage._

"_A monster, you call me? Have I been monstrous in any way? Have I been unkind?"_

"_I won't let you use my baby for your sick games, Ghetsis! He will grow up to be the king he wants to be, not some puppet!"_

"_Enough of this foolishness. You must be feeling ill, again. Come back to the castle, now. I have had your old room prepared for you; won't it be nice to sleep in a bed after so long?" He reached out to her, but at that moment she jerked out of the Triad's hold and leapt at her brother with an animalistic scream. _

_It was only a moment before the two ninja dragged her back, but the damage was done. At first N did not know why Ghetsis was yelling and clutching his face, but as the clouds shifted away from the moon at last, he saw a splash of deep red on his mother's cheek, a stark contrast against her pale face, blue-green eyes, and wild leaf-coloured hair. Then Ghetsis straightened and let his hands drop back to his sides. Blood spilled from his right eye and down his cheek like scarlet tears._

"_You.." He growled. "JUST LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! HOW DARE YOU SCAR MY FACE! Ungrateful, defective womb! How kind I have been to you all these years, giving you the honor of keeping our sacred bloodline pure, and THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?" Now he looked at one of the Triad and held out his hand expectantly. "Your knife! Give me your knife! NOW!"_

_Madeline screamed and tried to run, but Ghetsis grabbed her long hair and pulled her to the ground before plunging the dagger into her chest and stomach again and again, occasionally slashing at her face and struggling arms until she stopped screaming, stopped moving, and just lay there, unrecognizable and covered in blood._

_Panting heavily, Ghetsis stood up and turned to hand the dripping blade back to his subordinate before noticing N's silent stare. "What are you looking at, boy?"_

"_...Daddy?"_

N never forgot that night, but all memory of his mother's face had faded away in the wake of his last glimpse of her. Now he stared at his reflection, stained with red just like she had been, and realized that Ghetsis was right– he did look like his mother.

Tears welled up in his eyes again and trickled down to further smear the blood. Then he clutched his hair and screamed.

* * *

><p>Dun dun DUN! Surprising absolutely no one, N is actually Ghetsis's son! And I liked the idea someone had that N's mother would also be Ghetsis's sister because I can totally see that happening. He gets so obsessed with keeping the Harmonia bloodline pure that he'd rather have a kid with his sister than an unrelated woman, then goes on to rape his son because he's a sick bastard who probably doesn't want to touch anyone that is not a Harmonia. And I decided on the name Madeline because that's the first thing that came to me and I liked it.<p>

Uuuu~ I was so nervous writing the rape scene because I've never done that before.. I hope I did ok.. Next chapter might take longer for me to write because there's a lot I want to put in it, which includes more rape but also some much-deserved Black/N goodness. Look forward to it~!


	4. A Brave Knight Tried to Save Him

Most of this chapter I wrote while suffering from a stomachache, and the result seems to be a lack of good flow, so if it's kind of jerky, I'm sorry, I was not sure how to fix that without rewriting the whole thing.

Also, I think I screwed up the timeline, so please forgive the inconsistency there, I really suck at that sort of thing. Someday I might figure out how to straighten it out, but I doubt it will take away from your reading experience, so just accept my imperfection.

AND A BIG HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed. I would respond to each individually, but confuses me to no end and I just figured I would thank you guys here. I actually meant to last chapter but forgot. Derp. Seriously, your words of praise fill me with warm fuzziness and that is the best fuel to keep me writing at a decent rate. 3 heart 3 less-than-three.

This chapter contains more rape, but also finally some much-needed Black/N lovin'. ENJOY.

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><p>His words stayed with me, haunting me.<p>

"_You can't always."_

They left a dark feeling in my heart, and many a night I could not get to sleep because it kept repeating, nagging at me. But I could not bring myself to ask him what he meant. Perhaps a deep part of my intuition knew that the answers would be too painful to bear, but to this day wonder if I ought to have approached the subject sooner, if that would have changed anything.

After his birthday, Lord N was unusually quiet and withdrawn for several days, and I was worried that perhaps it was somehow my fault, but slowly things returned to normal. However, I was now seeing a strange pattern in "normality" that I had noticed in the beginning, but for a while it was absent, so it left my mind until it recently picked back up.

Every Saturday Lord N would retire early, and then sleep in late the next day. It was a strange consistency in his otherwise rather erratic schedule, but I thought nothing of it, deciding that it was really none of my business. What a stupid, irresponsible assumption. Yet another thing I regret.

A month passed, and I still could not find the courage to bring up what I thought at the time was a more pressing problem which was steadily growing just out of sight.

Cheren and I exchanged many letters as he kept me updated on the state of the kingdom. Public executions were being held for even petty thieves, and whole families were sent to poorhouses and prisons when they could not afford the outrageous taxes. Soldiers appointed by Ghetsis were wreaking havoc in the towns, doing whatever they pleased without fear of retribution. People were angry and afraid, and things were only getting worse fast.

But just as the outside world was falling into chaos, Lord N was gradually returning to somber quietness, and before my eyes our days of playing games and talking amicably became silent hours of doing nothing but wander the gardens. No matter how many times I asked him what was wrong, he would only insist that he was not feeling well. I had my doubts, but whatever the reason, his mood made it nearly impossible for me to find the motivation to bring up the kingdom's problems.

Eventually, however, it had to be done. "Your Highness.." I began one day as we lay in the garden. "Forgive my rudeness, but there is a matter I feel I must discuss with you."

He looked over at me. "What is it?"

I sat up and fought back the urge to fidget. "Well, you see.. I have been exchanging letters with an old friend who lives in the city for some time now, and what he tells me is... The kingdom is in a bad state, Majesty."

As I suspected, he was confused. "What do you mean?"

"The people have been overtaxed, and now the soldiers that should protect them are instead making things more difficult, accosting villagers as though they were bandits. The laws are becoming so strict that everyone fears being arrested or worse, and for no reason. It's become a terrible mess outside these walls."

Now he sat up as well. "That's terrible! Why is it like that? Everything should be fine!"

I turned my head away, completely at a loss as to how I should explain it to him, even though I had practiced this moment over and over in my head for a whole month. "The country is being run behind your back, Sire. Ghetsis is using the power of your name to do as he pleases, and that happens to be all-but enslaving your people."

"That..." He trailed off, so I glanced back at him to see his downcast eyes. "Ghetsis knows what he's doing.. He cares about this country, and I'm sure that things aren't as bad as you've heard.."

But he did not sound like he meant those words at all. "My Lord, don't you think you should.. really take your place as king, now? I know that you can be the greatest ruler this kingdom has ever had, but you have barely done anything."

He remained silent, and feeling as though he was shutting me out, I leaned forward and took hold of his shoulders. "Please listen to me! I believe in you more than anyone else! Why do you let that man walk all over you? You are the king! He has no power over you, and yet he thinks he can control you like a puppet! I won't stand for it, my Lord!"

Now he looked up at me in alarm, but as he struggled to make an argument, I continued heatedly.

"If you will not do something about this, then I must! Our people, –_your_ people!– are suffering at the hands of that tyrant, and I can no longer wait around watching like a helpless child. I will confront him myself if I have to, because you have a right to be the king I know you want to be!"

I was about to stand, to follow the momentum I had suddenly built up, but before I could even get to my knees, Lord N suddenly cried out and tackled me to the ground.

"No! No, you can't do that!" I stared up at the sky in shock, my brain taking a long moment to process the fact that he was on top of me, clinging as if for dear life.

"..My Lord..?"

"Please promise me you won't say a word to him!" His voice was filled with genuine panic, slightly muffled though it was against my chest. "He'll kill you! He won't even hesitate! Promise me, Black!" Lifting his head slightly, he looked at me with pleading eyes overflowing with tears. "Promise!"

"But I..."

Lord N shook his head frantically. "No! You must promise! I can't lose you, Black! If he killed you, I... I couldn't..." He pressed his face back against my shirt and let out a sob I felt he might have been holding in for a very long time.

I placed my hand on his head, a wild mix of emotions stirring in me. "Alright." I said at last, not because it was an order, but because I could deny him nothing anyway. "I promise. Please don't cry, my Lord."

After a while he calmed down, apparently lulled by the way I unconsciously had begun petting his hair. I myself was quite distracted by the feel of his laying on me, such a light weight even though he was taller. The closeness of his body heat and the slowing thump of his heart made me think I could remain happily like this forever, and he did not seem any more willing to move than I was.

"What are you thinking about?" I heard myself ask, the words slipping out of my mouth without even realizing it.

As I tried to tell myself that I should take it back, he answered.

"You are a genuinely kind person, Black. It confuses me, but... it feels good. Your gentleness is so soothing. When I'm with you, I feel alive."

I could not help but smile. "I'm glad. If I can do that much for you, my life has all the meaning it needs."

Third Person POV

It was Saturday, evening was falling, and as usual N waited in his bed, already naked. He did not look around when he heard the door open, close, and lock, followed by footsteps growing nearer.

"Good evening, N." Came his father's voice, accompanied by the sound of the man undressing.

"Good evening." N returned tonelessly as he stared blankly up at the white silk canopy of his bed, then turning to gaze out the glass doors to the balcony before his vision could be blocked by the person he did not wish to see.

"You're rather distant tonight." The older Harmonia observed as he settled himself on top of his son.

"I'm sorry." N swallowed hard against the bile rising in his throat as hands traveled down his body. Ever since his birthday, these nights had become harder and harder for him to bear, first because of memories of his mother, and now...

It was because of Black.

Black, who was kind and gentle and who made him feel alive like he had never known was possible. But feeling alive could be a surprisingly painful thing, and now N could no longer ignore the pain, the whispers, and the violation.

A strangled whimper escaped him when he felt Ghetsis pushing his thighs apart, and without thinking he tried to keep them closed, to force away the vulnerable sensation that made his skin crawl.

Immediately after, he regretted it, shutting his eyes tight and biting his lip to keep it from trembling with fear as he felt the burn of a crimson gaze.

"What are you doing, N?"

"I'm sorry." He whispered, but when Ghetsis –more forcefully this time– opened his legs, he gasped and squirmed, hands coming up to shove against his father's shoulders. "S-stop..!"

"N!" Ghetsis snapped, wrapping his fingers around N's slim wrists and pinning them to the bed. "What has gotten into you?"

Tears were already rolling down N's cheeks, because he did not know the answer. All he knew was that he could take no more. He wanted Black to be there, to protect him.

"I.. I don't want this..."

"Oh you _don't_, eh?" Ghetsis scowled and leaned down to press his full weight against the slender body beneath him. "But you know better than to defy me, N. Why this sudden attitude?"

N shook his head, feeling unbearably trapped as he fought against his body's sudden reflexes to try to avoid the inevitable. Then Ghetsis was impaling him slowly, very slowly, and his throat closed around a cry of pain.

Shrinking back into the mattress, N's feet scrambled against the sheets, vainly trying to push himself away from the invasion while his arms remained caught in his father's grasp, but it was useless, and in the end as always he could only lay still and wait for it to end.

"That's right, N.."

Tomorrow he would be with Black, again.

"There's no point in fighting me.."

Black would be smiling, and maybe he would even touch him, gently like he always did.

"But seeing you break all over again is perfection.."

N closed his eyes, filling his imagination with memories of his knight. Perhaps he would get up early tomorrow, just so he could see him that much sooner. Black might ask him what was wrong again, though, and then N would have to lie. N hated lying, especially to Black, because Black cared about him.

Eventually, Ghetsis finished and left after placing a kiss on his son's tear-stained cheek. N only curled into a ball and tried to go to sleep.

It was strange. Because of Black, he felt alive, but because he felt alive, the pain he had once been able to block out was now sharper than ever, and the only one who could ease it was Black.

But N knew. If he asked Black to save him, it would be the same as signing his death warrant. He could not be so selfish as to kill the only person in the world who cared about him just for a moment's belief that Black would save him.

It was hopeless.

Black's POV

Things were going from bad to worse. Lord N would no longer even look at me, let alone speak to me. I had been so sure that our relationship would be better after that day he made me promise to not confront Ghetsis, but instead it seemed to be the opposite.

Now I was wandering through the garden, trying to find him after I had gone briefly to the castle to get an umbrella when storm clouds began to rumble ominously. Upon returning to the gazebo where I had told him to wait in case it started raining –it had– he was nowhere to be found.

"Lord N!" I called through the loud rush of rain. "Lord N, where are you?"

"Over here."

Feeling very relieved, I went around a hedge and discovered him laying on his back in the grass, completely oblivious to the cold downpour.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying not to sound as exasperated as I felt. Walking over to where I would have thought him to be sleeping had he not just answered, I held the umbrella out over his face to shield it from the rain. "You'll catch a cold if you get soaked like this."

He opened his eyes slightly, and not for the first time I winced inwardly to see how dull and empty they had become over the past few weeks.

"Leave me alone." He murmured.

Pushing aside my worry, I scowled. "No. It is my duty to watch over you, and I'm certainly not leaving you to get sick. Let's go back inside and dry you off, alright?"

Ignoring my offered hand completely, his arm suddenly shot out and knocked the umbrella away, letting the rain fall back down on his face. But even then he said nothing and only closed his eyes again.

For a long moment I stared at him, then sighed and scooped him into my arms.

"Wai- What are you doing?" He yelped, struggling to get down. "Let go!"

"I'm taking you back inside, my Lord." I informed him calmly, already heading for the castle. "If you think I'm going to let you stay out here and freeze, then you have underestimated my determination to take care of you."

After a few moments more of trying to get down, he relaxed, seemingly out of energy, and rested his head against my shoulder until we reached his chambers where I finally set him on his feet. The servants had already lit a fire, so I went to see if a bath had been prepared as well, but it had not.

"My Lord, do you want me to..." My sentence trailed off upon returning to the bedroom with a towel for his hair as I saw a pile of wet clothes on the floor just a few feet away from where Lord N was laying curled in a ball on the rug in front of the fireplace, his back to me and completely nude.

For a moment my brain stopped working, first stuck on the sight of him, and then the realization that he was really too thin. At last I managed to clear my throat and continue.

"Do you want me to have the servants draw you a bath, Highness?"

"No."

"..Is there anything at all I can do for you?"

He did not answer immediately, and when he did I almost failed to hear his faint voice.

"Stay with me."

Glad that he at least was not pushing me away anymore, I went to sit in a nearby chair. "As you wish." Then without warning I sneezed.

"Black.. You're soaking wet." He observed, sitting up to look at me. I turned my eyes away just in case, but felt my face heating up anyway. "You should get out of those clothes."

"I'll be alright." I said quickly. "Please don't worry about me."

"But _you _were so worried about _me_.. I don't want you to get sick on my account. Come over here by the fire."

"I'm fine, really..."

"Please."

Unable to help myself, I looked back at him and the pleading expression I had heard in his voice. He was holding out his hand to me, looking so frail and yet so beautiful before the flickering fire that was the only light the room had to offer.

Swallowing hard, I stood up and peeled off my wet clothes before going to him, taking his cold hand in mine as I knelt down. "As you wish." I said again, hoping he could not see how nervous I was.

However, he also looked rather nervous, and would not meet my eyes even though he smiled slightly and tightened his fingers around mine.

Wanting to avoid the awkwardness I could feel growing between us in the silence, I held up the towel I had remembered to bring. "Would you let me dry your hair?"

He blinked, seemingly having been lost in thought, then nodded and turned around so I could begin squeezing the rainwater from his long hair. Now the quiet, disturbed only by the rain and thunder outside, was much more comfortable, and the warmth from the fire felt wonderful.

But eventually even I had to be satisfied that his hair was as dry as I could make it. Setting aside the now-damp towel, I tried to think of what to distract myself with next. When I looked back up, however, he was looking over his shoulder at me as though there was something he wanted to say.

"Sire..?" I asked as he twisted around and reached for my hand again.

"Black..." He began, staring down at out entwined fingers thoughtfully. Without finishing, he leaned forward until he was pressed against my chest.

Just like that my heart began to race a mile a minute. "M-my Lord..?"

"I'm cold." He whispered, then slowly pulled me down to lay beside him, our bodies pressed flush against each other. "But you feel so warm."

Not knowing what else to do, I slid my arm beneath his neck so he could come closer and lay his head on my shoulder. "Is that better?" I breathed, my voice failing me.

He murmured wordlessly and nodded.

After a long while, as I was finally able to start relaxing myself, he broke the silence, but only just barely.

"Black..?"

"Yes?"

"Will you stay like this with me tonight?"

"..If that's what you wish."

He nodded again.

More minutes passed, until at last I felt I had to speak up. "My Lord.. May I ask you something?"

"You may."

I bit my lip, hoping that I was not about to ruin the easiness that we were at last able to share again. "This past month.. I've been so worried.. Please, tell me what has been bothering you so terribly. I cannot stand to see you like this."

"..It's no—"

"Don't say that it's nothing. Something is wrong, and it's painful for me to watch so helplessly. Even if you think there's nothing I can do, I still want to at least be able to share whatever pain you're in. Please." Having spoken my mind, I then waited patiently for either another rejection or his acceptance.

At long last, he spoke. "I have nightmares, Black. Nightmares about my mother, and of a heavy shadow in the night. It holds me down and hurts me and I can't move. No one is there to help me. No one cares. I can only wait to wake up, but lately it feels as though I never do."

"My Lord.." I pulled him closer. "What can I do to make it better?"

"Just stay. I feel safe when you're with me."

"Then I will."

The fire crackled, sending sparks up into the air. I watched them without really seeing; all I could think about was how useless my sword was against nightmares.

"..Black..?"

"Yes?"

"There's something else I want.. I need.."

"Anything."

There were a few long seconds before he continued. "I don't understand why, but... I need... I..."

I leaned back slightly to look down him. His face was red with a deep blush, but his eyes were bright and full of emotion as they glanced at me timidly.

"Touch me."

All the things I had been thinking at that moment, –that he looked adorable and what a welcome sight those shining eyes were after so long of seeing them tired and dark– flew out of my mind.

"..Wh..what do you mean..?"

Taking my hand which he still held, he placed my palm against his chest, and I felt how quickly his heart was beating. "Touch me, Black. Everywhere. It feels so good when you touch me.. I need more."

Could this possibly be happening? "My Lord... are you certain..?"

Leaving my hand where he had put it, his fingers very hesitantly touched my cheek and traced my lips. "Yes." He breathed. "Please.. Be gentle.. So gentle..." His whisper turned to a whimper as I experimentally brushed my hand up to his neck, then back to his heart. "You always touch me so gently.. I need to feel it more..."

My thoughts were being pulled in several directions at once. Elation that my fantasies of being with him like this were coming true, awe because this reality was a thousand times better than anything I had pictured, and an arousal that was going to become painfully obvious very soon. Trying to keep myself focused, I let my hand continue to wander his silky skin, gently just as he had asked. But there was no other way I wanted to touch him. He felt so fragile in my arms, so very breakable. And yet he had asked someone like me to touch him.

"Lord N.. If you wish me to touch you.. It would be an honor."

I watched his face as my hand trailed down his side, around his hip, up his back, and then repeated the motion, each time exploring more of his slender body, discovering just what places drew out which responses with rapt attention.

Then when I could take the wait no longer, I very slowly ventured down between his legs to stroke his manhood, coaxing it to life as the hushed sounds he made grew louder.

His hand that was not mostly trapped between us danced lightly along my shoulder, as if unsure if it was alright to touch me fully. I leaned down to plant a lingering kiss on his cheek. "Hold onto me." I murmured. His eyes met mine, then he turned his head slightly, seeking my lips.

We kissed. My head swam, from far more than lack of air. Slipping my tongue out in a silent request, I could not even tell which one of us sighed when he granted me entrance into his mouth.

Now his hand clutched my shoulder as he tried to move even closer to me. I swallowed the soft sounds he made, stealing his breath and still craving more.

When at last we had to break away, he tucked his face in the crook of my neck and clung to me even tighter as his voice continued to rise in volume.

"Black..!" He gasped. "I-I'm going t-! Aah..! Mm.. If you keep..doing that.. I'll..! Hah!"

I shut my eyes tightly as his words sent a heavy pulsing straight to my groin. Just this and already I felt I was going mad with need. Speeding up the motion of my hand wrapped around his cock, I pressed my thumb against the weeping slit and listened in ecstacy as he screamed my name and fell over the edge.

Panting, I watched his face, glistening with sweat and tears, and committed it to memory. He was so beautiful like this, caught in the throws of pleasure I had been able to give him. When his unfocused eyes finally looked up at me again, I kissed him once more.

"How do you feel?" I asked against his lips.

"Warm.. And safe..."

"That's good." Continuing to spread kisses across his cheeks, I contented myself with just holding him, because the ache I still felt, the need to keep going until I could fully make love to him, would have to be endured. After all, even though most times it did not feel that way, he was still a king, and I was only a knight.

"..Black..?"

"Yes?"

His fingers had gone back to ghosting shyly across my arm. "May I.. touch you, too?"

My breath caught, and I pulled back to see his genuinely asking expression.

"..Highness, I.."

"Don't." He shook his head. "Don't speak so formally. Just use my name."

"N." I whispered. "If you want to touch me, then of course you may.."

Nodding slightly, Lord N– _N_, trailed his fingers down across my chest, very lightly at first, but then pressing more confidently. He slid his other arm out from between us and wrapped it around me, feeling around my back and tracing mindless patterns on my skin.

"N.." I said again, my voice tight as those long fingers continued downward until they brushed against my erection, and then proceeded to take their time feeling it in an almost curious manner.

It was as arousing as it was embarrassing, feeling his watchful gaze on me, and I could not meet his eyes, fearing that if I did I would lose control. I tried to hold still, to let him do as he pleased even though those light touches were nothing less than torturous. But it was too much, and with a gasp I placed my hand over his and guided it to take hold of me and move as I had done to him.

"Forgive me.." I panted. He did not pull away or protest, but continued examining my face and allowed me to show him what I needed until he took over, stroking up and down firmly as I struggled to hold on.

"Black.." He murmured thoughtfully, those eyes moving down to where he was driving me mad. "You.. want to put this inside me, don't you.."

"That is.." I could not finished, because whatever he had just done with his fingers made lights flash behind my eyes for a moment.

N looked back up at me, and his hand stopped as he silently commanded my full attention. "I'll let you." He whispered.

I sucked in a deep, slow breath. "My L– N. ..Do you really... I won't do anything you don't truly wish for. Are you certain you want me to? I do not want to hurt you.."

He watched me closely for a moment before nodding. "Yes. I want you to be inside me. I don't think you could hurt me even if you tried."

I could not help but smile. "Your faith in me is most comforting. But.. Should we move to the bed?"

N shook his head quickly. "I want to stay here. I don't like the bed.."

"Whatever you want, then." At that time, I did not understand what he meant, and passion kept me from inquiring. Giving him another kiss, I pulled his leg up over my hip. "I promise to be as gentle as possible."

N wrapped both his arms around me now and held onto my shoulders as I slid my hand, still wet with his cum, down between his legs to his entrance.

His breath shuddered against my neck as I circled it with my finger for a moment before sliding one inside. He whimpered softly as I slowly pumped it in and out, each time going deeper until my knuckles brushed against him. Then I added a second finger and repeated the process, carefully stretching his tight, warm flesh.

Then suddenly he gasped and his whole body shuddered. "Black..! Th-there..!"

I again brushed the tips of my fingers against the place I had the moment before, and he keened.

"That feels good?" I murmured against his cheek.

"Y-yes.. It.. Ah! It feels... s-so... good..!" His back arched when I pushed in a third finger, rubbing the sensitive spot inside him until he lost all coherence.

When I felt his hardness dig into my thigh as his hips bucked, I decided that he was as ready as he would ever be, and pulled out my fingers.

"Black.." He whined, but I silenced him with a kiss.

"It's alright. I won't leave you wanting." Rolling our bodies until I lay on top of him, I nudged his legs apart with my own. Feeling him tense, I glanced up to see his eyes were squeezed shut.

I stroked his cheek until he looked at me again. "N, don't be afraid. I promise to be gentle. Just tell me if anything I do hurts."

N nodded and tightened his grip on my shoulders as I guided his legs around my waist. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I slowly sank into him, burying myself in the heavenly tightness that was the man I loved.

His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Tears welled up and trickled past eyelashes still clumped and wet from times before. Fingers dug into my shoulder blades, and his head snapped back. I wrapped my arms around his trembling body and held him as close to me as possible.

"N..!" I groaned. "Oh, N... I'm so.. I'm so in love with you..."

Glazed blue-green eyes left the ceiling and met mine. "..In love..?"

"I always have been.. I always will be... You are my everything, N. I am in love with you.."

More tears now spilled down his cheeks as he stared at me in shock. Then he looked away. "I don't.. understand love... But I think.. if your gentleness and care is what love truly is, then... I-I want to be in love with you, too.. Black.."

Feeling a deep, warm tenderness fill my heart, I rested my forehead against his. "I'll help you to understand it." I promised. "I will spend the rest of my life showing you exactly what love is like."

N smiled. "Then my nightmares will be bearable." He arched against me, a sensual move that left my senses reeling. "Can you make me forget them, Black?"

"I'll erase them from your mind forever.." That was all I could manage to say before my body took off on it's own. Gently, slowly, I pulled out and then slid back in, tilting my hips up as I did, searching for that place again.

He clung to me, sighing, gasping, moaning, mewing my name. His hair was spread out like a wild halo, seeming almost alive as my thrusts moved him up and down on the rug, causing it to writhe and catch the glow of the fire. Then he cried out, his fingernails surely drawing red lines in my skin. I had found the spot inside him, and made sure to hit it each time I reentered.

Even though a part of me wanted to go faster, to take him hard and hear him scream for me, making love to him slowly like this was also wonderful. Gently leading him back to that precipice, letting the peak come upon us gradually, it was beyond words. I could stay just like this until I die.

But eventually it had to end, and the prospect of falling at last was too tempting to avoid any longer.

Breaking off the kiss that had our tongues dancing to the same slow rhythm as our hips, I tried to catch my breath to speak.

"N.. You're close.." I could feel his cock throbbing as it rubbed against my stomach with every movement. "Together.. Let's go together..."

His cries were coming faster, louder; I could feel him tightening around me. Then he did scream, and so did I. We climaxed together, there on the rug in front of the fireplace, with a storm raging out in the night. My seed spilled inside him, and his across our chests, and when we crested the last wave, we lay tangled and panting, both dazed from pleasure.

It was there that we fell asleep, for however long it was until the fire went out and the chill woke me. As I was relighting it, N stirred, and in the moonlight I saw the happiness fill his face when he saw me. After a long kiss, we agreed that going back to sleep was undesirable, so I prepared a warm bath where somehow in the midst of washing ourselves we made love again. Then we returned to the rug because he continued to insist we avoid the bed, and stayed there wrapped in each other's arms until the sun rose.

If only that night could have lasted forever. That one night where we lived in our own little world, just the two of us. But his nightmares would not be left forgotten so easily.

* * *

><p>Uh.. There was more I wanted to say at the end but now I've forgotten.. So I will leave you with the warning that the next chapter is going to be a heartbreaker. Yes, like Charles. Except worse. It will probably take a few days to write because of that, so don't hold your breaths.<p> 


	5. But He Was Not Strong Enough

Ok people, this chapter contains more sex, rape, and now also torture. Again, I warned you at the beginning, but now I am delivering. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Also, let me just give a big FUCK YOU to for getting rid of my time-skip markers and making me have to scroll all the way back through to find them and put this stupid line in instead. NOT COOL.

* * *

><p>Days passed. Days of stolen kisses and secret glances, and then nights of love-making that were every bit as sweet as the last.<p>

Until Saturday.

We spent most of that day tucked away in the most secret part of the garden where we knew there was no chance of being found or heard, and to my surprise but also pleasure, N nearly threw himself at me with unbridled passion. Although it stunned me at first, this especially needy side of him was nothing if not welcome.

Now as we lay naked in the grass, catching our breaths for the umpteenth time, I caught his hand in my own to still him when he once more began trailing kisses down my stomach.

"What's gotten into you today?" I asked playfully. "You're insatiable."

N glanced up at me, then settled back against my chest. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize; I certainly have no complaint. I'm just curious."

"There's.. something I have to do tonight, so we will have to be apart." He mumbled softly. "I want to carve every moment with you into my mind for that time."

"That thing you always do on Saturday nights?"

"..You've noticed.."

"Of course. Whatever it is, I can be there with you, you know."

N smiled at me, but I could have sworn I saw his eyes turn to the sad, dull colour that frightened me for a moment. "Thank you, Black. But this is something I must do alone. Will you come to me in the morning, though? Earlier than usual?"

"As you wish, my N." I tilted his face up to kiss him. "_Whatever_ you wish."

He moaned softly and ground his hips against my side, letting me feel his renewed hardness. "Take me again, Black.."

Groaning at the seductive whisper, I rolled us over and eagerly complied, draping his legs over my shoulders as I entered him. "N.. You're so wonderful.. I love you..."

Sighing happily, N arched his back. "Yes.. I.. ah! I love.. you.. t-too.. Mm..."

"You're starting.. to understand what.. love is, then..?"

N nodded, then gasped and clutched my arms when I reached between us to firmly stroke his cock. "Oh, Black..!"

"Already so close.." But honestly so was I. Just watching him, hearing his voice like this, it was too much to even think about pacing myself. Speeding up my thrusts, it took no time at all before we came together, and once more collapsed in a panting heap.

Holding onto me tightly, N buried his face in the crook of my neck. "Tell me again." He pleaded. "Black, tell me you love me."

"I love you."

"Why?"

"'Why'?" I echoed.

"Why did you fall in love with me?"

I thought about it. Was it even possible to pin it down in a reasonable answer? "You're just.. perfect. I love everything about you."

N pulled back to look at me in wonder. "You think I'm perfect?"

I grinned and nudged the tip of his nose with mine. "I _know_ you're perfect. But on that note.. Why did _you_ fall in love with _me_?"

"Well.." He hesitated, apparently having the same problem I had. "You're kind and gentle, and you treat me like a person. You make me happy no matter what." Suddenly he blinked, as if realizing something. "It's like you're perfect, too!"

I laughed. "I can think of a few people who would disagree with that, but if you think so, that's all that matters."

In this way, we enjoyed ourselves until late in the afternoon. I left N at the door to his bedroom, stealing one last kiss before returning to my own.

That was the last day of our happiness.

* * *

><p>The next morning I awoke to find I had received another letter from Cheren. He told me that most of the kingdom's knights, –those who still valued their honor, he surreptitiously jabbed– exiled themselves to avoid prosecution when they refused to abide by Ghetsis's laws. He was now hearing rumors that they were considering planning a revolution.<p>

Sighing, I sat back in my chair. That might be for the best. If I kept in touch with Cheren, I might be able to know when to get N to safety, and then we would wait for Ghetsis to either be killed or imprisoned. It might not be easy to convince the public that N had nothing to do with the what Ghetsis has done, but I trusted his ability to unknowingly charm people in an instant.

I continued thinking over the possible scenarios as I dressed and headed for N's chambers early like he had requested. There was no answer when I knocked on the door, but it was unlocked so I entered.

"N?" I called, seeing that the bedroom was empty. It was in the bathroom that I found him, curled up in the tub. "..N?"

He looked up, and I saw with a jolt that he had been crying. Wordlessly he reached out to me with both arms, looking more than ever like a hapless child.

"N? What's the matter?" I quickly went over to kneel beside the tub, letting him pull me into a tight embrace. "Why are you crying?"

"Nightmares." He mumbled into my shoulder.

I sighed and petted his head gently. I had been afraid of that happening. "Oh, N... This water is cold.. How long have you been in here? Come on, let's get you out." He continued to cling to me as I dried him off and then carried him back to the other room.

For reasons he had not yet told me, N seemed to dislike his bed to the point where I had never actually seen him in it. But there was no way I would let him lay on the floor when he was feeling this terrible, so whatever he had against it would have to be put aside.

Setting him down on the edge, I pulled back the blankets, but then stopped.

There was blood on the sheets. A small, fresh stain. But it was not just blood, there was something else mixed in. Something white.

At that point N noticed where we were and what I had seen. I looked at him, and my mind went further into shock at the terror in his eyes.

"N.." I said quietly. "What is this..?"

In the next instant he had lurched out of my arms, quickly grabbing the covers and pushing them back over the stain. "Don't." He whispered. "Please just don't."

The numbness I had felt was beginning to leave as the reality of the situation and my grasp of it set in. "Tell me, N. What is that?"

N shook his head wildly. "No. No. No. No, no, no, no."

I reached out and spun him around to face me, but he refused to look up. "N, you have to tell me! What happened last night? Is that your blood?"

He shoved me away and laid down on the bed, curling up in a tight ball and hiding his face against the blanket. "I'm sorry." He sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I was shaking, and my head was spinning. It was all coming together. His actions up until now, the way he craved gentleness, and hated the bed, and then every Saturday.. The "nightmares" he had told me about were not nightmares at all.

Feeling my stomach roll, I crawled up onto the bed and covered his quaking body with my own.

"N." I murmured softly. "N, please. Just tell me. Tell me who has been doing this to you." Tears were burning my eyes, and there was a large, painful lump in my throat. "Why did you hide this from me, N? I could have been protecting you. I could have..." I shook my head. There would be time for regret later. Right now I needed to know who to kill. "Who is it, N?"

"I can't." He whimpered. "Please, just forget about this. Forget it ever happened."

"What are you saying? You really think I'll look the other way? Tell me, N!"

"NO! You'll be killed! There's nothing you can do, so please just forget!"

I'll be killed, he says? That's when it hit me. N's fears, the promise he begged me to make, and the pattern between Saturday and Sunday that was broken only during the month that that man was gone...

"It's Ghetsis."

N froze beneath me.

"It's him, isn't it. He's the one."

"Black, don't..."

Everything made sense, now. I got up and began to head for the door, but before I could even take a step, N had wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Stop!" He cried. "You promised! You promised you would stay away from him!"

"This is different! Let go!"

"No, I won't! I won't let you die!"

"Do you have such little faith in me?"

"You don't know him like I do! You don't know what he's capable of! Black, he killed my mother!"

"He– What?"

"She tried.. She tried to run away with me, to escape.. But we didn't even get off the castle grounds before he stopped us. Then she tried to kill him, but he... You can't win against him, Black. He's more powerful than you can imagine."

I turned in his grasp and placed my hand on top of his head as he cried into my stomach. "N.. I have sworn to protect you from anything and everything. And even if I had not, I would still risk my life for you. I would die for you, especially if it meant I took that monster down with me."

"No, you can't say that!"

"_Listen to me_." I insisted. "I don't plan on dying any time soon, but I am going to kill him."

N remained silent for a long moment, then he looked up, and I started at the iron will I saw in his eyes.

"I order you not to." He said softly.

I blinked. "..What..?"

"_I order you_, as your king, to stay away from Ghetsis. Abandon any thought of killing him. What I need is for you to just stay with me. To hold me and love me and touch me gently when it's over. That's all you can do. That's all I will allow you to do. Those are my orders, Black. Will you dare to disobey them?"

I stared down at him in shock. "Why are you doing this?"

His arms tightened around me, but his stony gaze remained unwavering. "Because I need you, Black. If I know you love me, I can endure it. This has been my whole life, but just knowing that you love me, that you will be here every day only for me.. That makes it so much more bearable."

Closing my eyes, I fought the urge to just lay down and cry. Why did it have to be like this? Why did my precious N have to suffer? Why was he forbidding me from saving him?

Torn between my oath to protect him and my oath to obey him, all I could do was pull him up and carry him to our usual spot in front of the fireplace.

Laying us down on the plush rug, I held him close and gently stroked his back. "Whatever you wish, my Lord." I whispered.

* * *

><p>Several days went by. N pretended that nothing had happened, and I tried to as well, but each night as he slept beside me, I was tormented by my thoughts.<p>

I knew I could not keep my word. I could not watch as Saturday approached, knowing that by my vow I would stay in my room and wait as the person I loved more than anything was raped by his own family.

And so one afternoon as he was occupied with paperwork, I slipped away and headed for the wing of the castle where the Seven Sages lived and worked.

"I seek an audience with Ghetsis." I told the secretary sitting outside his office. "It concerns the king."

She nodded. "Wait one moment, please."

After going through the large, ornate doors for a few moments, she came back out. "He will see you, now."

Keeping my face blank, I went inside to see the man that was now the target of a powerful hatred I had never known was possible sitting at his lavish desk.

"What brings you here, boy?" He inquired cooly.

Damn the consequences. I will take his head right here and now.

"Is my son doing well?"

For a moment his words did not register. Then I stopped my advance, confused. "..What..?"

A smooth smile spread across his face. "My son. The king you so devotedly serve."

But that didn't make sense. N's mother was Ghetsis's sister, so...

Oh, my god...

Chuckling, Ghetsis stood up and walked around his desk to stand before me. "Surprised? It was important to keep the sacred Harmonia bloodline pure, you see. Now.. what did you come here for?"

My vision was turning red, and a deep shaking had begun in my bones. Without a thought I unsheathed my sword and lunged.

Before I could take even one step forward, however, pain suddenly burst against the back of my head, and I knew no more.

* * *

><p>The moment consciousness slowly began to return to me, I knew something was terribly wrong. My head pounded, my arms were screaming, and then upon opening my eyes, I did not recognize my surroundings at all, but this was most certainly the last place in the world I wanted to wake up in.<p>

It was a dark dungeon, lit only by a few torches on the wall also hung with a variety of cruel-looking instruments the purpose and functions of which I could only guess at. There was a large wooden table nearby that sported even more, and the dank air hung thick with the lingering scent of blood and fear.

As for myself, I was suspended from the ceiling by my wrists, just high enough that I had to stand on my toes to give my arms some relief.

This was very, very bad.

"Ah, you're awake." The familiar voice, and the sight of Ghetsis walking into view made my memory rush back in an instant.

I had tried to kill him, but obviously failed. I had failed. Was he going to kill me, now? No.. No, I can't die. I can't leave N alone like this! I had been so close, how could I have failed him?

Ghetsis watched whatever emotions might have played over my face with a smug expression. "That was quite brave of you, boy, to try to kill me. Stupid, but brave. Did you honestly think I was unaware of your intentions? That I did not expect it the moment you won that tournament and made N take such interest in you? I was almost surprised that it took this long for him to slip and tell you our secret, but it seems that his loyalty to me runs deeper than I even thought. Although perhaps that has something to do with the fact that he remembers his dear mother's fatal mistake so clearly."

"You bastard.." I growled, not about to let on how terrified I was.

He only smiled and stepped over to me, close enough now that I could feel his breath on my face as he tilted my chin up. I wanted to kick him, to do _something_ instead of hang there helplessly, but my ankles were shackled to the floor.

"Yes, N told you about that night, didn't he. I was young and impatient, then; quick to anger. Madeline got off much too easy for her sins, but you, boy... I'm going to take my time with you. _Slowly_ and _gently_, until the light in your eyes has been snuffed out; until you are the broken shell of a human begging me for death."

I spat in his face, then bit back a cry of pain when he slammed his fist into my stomach.

As I coughed, my lungs struggling to regain air, Ghetsis chuckled and wiped his cheek. "Oh yes.. I shall greatly enjoy breaking you."

At that moment the door opened and in walked the Shadow Triad, –three elite ninja whose secretive clan had served the Harmonia family for centuries– pulling N behind them. At first he looked worried and confused, but then he saw me, saw Ghetsis standing next to me, and all colour drained from his face.

"Black..?" He whispered, wide eyes taking in my situation as the door was shut and locked behind him.

I bowed my head, unable to take the way he stared at me.

"Is that all you have to say to your lover?" Ghetsis said in a mocking tone. "Or perhaps instead you should treat him as a traitor. After all, he disobeyed your direct orders, and made an attempt on my life without remorse."

Now N looked from me, to Ghetsis, and then back. "Wh..what..? Black.. Black, tell me you didn't!"

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I wasn't able to save you. ..But I haven't given up! I'll never give up! No matter what happens, I _will _find a way to save you!"

N sank to his knees, and I could see him trembling. Tears began to trickle down his cheeks as he spoke in a choked voice. "Please.. Please don't do this.." It was impossible to tell who was addressing, because he kept his unfocused gaze locked on the floor.

"Don't do what, N?" Ghetsis sneered.

"Please don't kill him... I'll do anything you want, just please let him go. This is my fault, not his. If I had just.. If I..."

"N, don't you dare blame yourself!" I said desperately. "I did disobey your orders! It was my failing, not yours!"

"But you would not have done it if you did not love him so much, right?" Ghetsis pointed out with a smirk. I winced, knowing there was nothing I could say to that.

"Ghetsis, please, I'm begging you.." N's shoulders shook as he cried. "Don't hurt Black. I'll do anything..."

"There will be plenty of time for negotiations later. But right now there are lessons to be learned, and the first is that you belong only to _me_. Now come over here and undress."

I rounded on Ghetsis, feeling both rage and fear boiling inside me. "Leave him alone! N, don't do it!" But he was already getting up and walking over to his father. "N, no! You don't have to listen to him! Please, don't let him hurt you!"

Without even glancing at me, N removed his clothes, letting them fall in a pile around him. Grabbing his arm, Ghetsis dragged him over to stand in front of me.

"Just look at these blemishes that boy left on your perfect skin." Ghetsis said as he pulled N's hair back to reveal the myriad of small purplish-red circles dotting his neck and shoulders. "Did you think you could hide them from me? It might take a week for them to fade! How could you expect me to forgive someone who creates such unsightly marks? I've never so much as bruised you, now have I? Nowhere anyone could see at least, right? Yet you still sought the arms of another. You've hurt me, N. I thought you loved me."

"I-I'm sorry.. I do love you."

"Then come, prove it to me. Prove it to this boy whose life is ruined thanks to your selfishness." Ghetsis snapped his fingers, and one of the Triad standing silently by brought over a chair for him to sit in, pulling N back into his lap as he did.

"NO, STOP IT!" I bellowed, struggling against the chains holding me. "DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM! I'LL KILL YOU, I SWEAR IT!"

"Shut him up, will you?" Ghetsis muttered carelessly, unfazed by my threats. "He's upsetting N."

My mouth was then gagged, but I continued to yell incoherently as I watched this nightmare unfold.

With one hand Ghetsis stroked N's jaw, tilting his head to the side so he could kiss his neck, while the other reached down to readjust his robes. "Don't close your eyes, son. Look at him. Let him see just exactly what he could not save you from."

On command, N opened his eyes and met mine. I shook my head, trying to tell him that he shouldn't, but the next moment they shut again with a scream of pain when Ghetsis harshly forced himself inside.

"He's crying for you, N." The man purred, thrusting sharply into N while pulling his legs up against his chest, making sure I could see everything. "What do you suppose he's thinking? Is he disgusted? Does he understand now that you are mine?"

N sobbed, knuckles white as he clung to his father's cloak. But he did not fight back or try to get away. Even as he bled, he only held on and struggled to suppress his cries.

I felt as though I was going to die. Because of my failure, he was suffering like this. Because I had not been strong enough. My vision was clouded with tears, but never for however much longer I had to live would I forget this sight. It would be burned into my mind for eternity.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Please don't ever forgive me for failing you.

Ghetsis grabbed N's hair and jerked his head back to kiss him with a deep groan as he came. Then he unceremoniously let his limp body crumple forward onto the floor. Standing up and straightening his clothing, Ghetsis smirked at me.

"Now, have you learned a lesson?" He asked, walking over to untie the gag.

"I'll kill you." I whispered, not taking my eyes off N, who remained unmoving where he lay, gasping for breath.

"Apparently not, then. Well, I suppose it would be boring if you gave up so easily. What should we do next, N? _N_. Get up, you disgraceful creature."

Slowly N sat up, but that was all. I wanted to say something to him, but what could I possibly?

It seemed Ghetsis was satisfied with that, however, and walked over to the table. "Where to start, I wonder." He said to himself, looking over the various things laid out. "Perhaps something simple to warm up with."

Now N lifted his head as Ghetsis returned with a leather whip. "D-don't!" He gasping, trying to stand, but his legs refused to support him. "Wait! Please! Father, don't– AH!" He cried out when Ghetsis suddenly yanked him up by his hair.

"How many times have I told you not to call me father!" The man snapped.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Ghetsis threw him back to the ground. "Stay there and be quiet."

I felt my shirt being cut away by one of the Triad behind me. "Wait." I said to Ghetsis desperately. "Do whatever you want to me, but don't make N watch!"

"This is his punishment as much as it is yours. Now listen closely, boy. When you want me stop, all you have to do is say that you hate him, understand? But it has to be convincing, of course." Ghetsis smirked as he teasingly tapped the whip against my cheek.

"Go to hell." I growled. "I'll never say any such thing."

It looked as though my promise pleased him greatly, because he smiled cruelly. "We shall see."

I braced myself as he pulled his arm back to swing. N screamed, and then pain momentarily blacked out my vision as the sound of a loud crack shot through the air. Somehow I managed to keep silent as another burst of pain ran across my chest, and then another..

N was still screaming, held back by one of the ninjas. I clenched my jaw until I felt my teeth creak, trying so hard not to give Ghetsis the pleasure of hearing my pain. But it would not stop. Once my chest was covered in crisscrossed red lines, he handed the whip to one of the Triad who repeated the process on my back as he sat in the chair and watched me.

Then, after what seemed like forever, it finally ended, and I was left limp and dazed, but I don't think I uttered a sound.

"N.." In fact it was now hard for me to speak at all. "Please.. Stop crying.. I'm alright.."

He was curled up on the floor nearby, clutching his head and sobbing even though his voice had long since given out.

Ghetsis chuckled and sipped the wine he must have had poured at some point. "I must commend your fortitude, boy." He told me. "This is far more satisfying than breaking the wings of N's filthy birds. Please do remain steadfast as long as you can. I don't even recall the last time I have been so entertained. Give him some water."

I jerked my head away from the cup that was offered me, refusing to cooperate even though I was so thirsty. The silent masked man grabbed my jaw spilled the water into my mouth, but I spat it back out. I could hear Ghetsis laughing.

"Have it your way, then. Tomorrow I am sure you will be much more willing." He stood up. "That's enough for tonight, I think. Put N in a cell and leave the boy where he is. We'll continue in the morning."

"Yes, Sir." Two of the Triad left with Ghetsis while the other lifted N easily into his arms.

"N!" I called to him, but he did not look up as the ninja took him someplace behind me. I heard the rattle of an iron-bar door not too far off, and then the third of the Triad left as well.

It seemed like the moment the door closed behind him, everything came crashing down on top me, and I passed out.

* * *

><p>"Black.. Black..!"<p>

I forced my eyes open and struggled to focus them as a voice called to me. Just as I saw N's face, I remembered the pain. With a groan my eyes shut again.

"No.. Black, please wake up! Please, Black, talk to me..."

I could feel his hands stroking my face, my hair. I felt the heat of his body so close to mine, and the softness of his lips as he kissed me.

"N.." I whispered. "Are you alright..?"

"I'm fine.." But his voice broke. "Listen.. Black, you have to do as he says. Tell him that you hate me."

"I'm not doing that." I looked up at him again. "Not even as a lie."

"Is he awake, yet?"

Inwardly I cringed to hear Ghetsis's voice nearby. N glanced over his shoulder.

"Y-yes..."

"Good. Now give him something to drink. We can't have him dying of dehydration."

Someone handed N a cup of water. I thought about refusing again, but the worry on his face made me accept it wordlessly. Downing it all in one go, the lukewarm liquid did not make me feel much better.

"Come here, N."

Flinching, N gave me one last brief kiss before stepping back and crawling, still naked from yesterday, onto Ghetsis's lap as the man once again sat in the chair placed in front of me.

I bit the inside of my cheek, deciding that it would only be a waste of energy I would surely need to curse him the way I wanted to. But more painful than my wounds by far was watching Ghetsis absently run his hand up and down N's back, who only shivered and laid his head on his father's shoulder.

What horrors had he been put through that N, who was always passionate and forthright with his emotions, would remain so docile and obedient towards this man even as he was being raped?

"Well, N?" Ghetsis began in a light tone. "How shall we begin, today?"

"Please don't." N whispered. "I beg of you, don't hurt him anymore.."

"Then let's ask him if he has learned his lesson." A red eye turn to me. "You know how to make this all stop, boy. Will you submit to me?"

"That won't ever happen." I said firmly.

"Black!" N protested, but Ghetsis pulled him back by his hair.

"Very well." He said, not even bothering to pretend that my answer vexed him. Carelessly pushing N to the floor, he stood up and walked over to someplace behind me.

"Ghetsis, _please_, have mercy!" N called after him.

"Don't bother." I interrupted gently. "It's useless to even try. If anything you ought to beg him to let you out of here. Worry about yourself, N."

"Such selfless words." Ghetsis returned holding a sharp knife, the blade glowing red with heat. "But neither of you are leaving this place until our loyal little knight has been properly broken-in." He held it close to my cheek until I could feel it's warmth, then trailed it down my neck. "You did well to hold your tongue yesterday, but now I wonder how long you can keep up that brave front?"

I wondered that, myself. But I met his amused gaze and did not look away even when the tip of the knife slowly dug into my shoulder.

It hurt. Oh god it hurt. There was no way I could keep my voice back, but I still would not utter a word, no matter what.

The sound of N's crying faded away. Everything faded away except for the pain. It dragged across my chest, and then sank into my abdomen, going so deep and burning all the way. I was screaming, now. Then the knife was ripped back out, tearing open the wound it had just cauterized before pushing back in somewhere else.

I deserved this. For my failure I deserved this and much more. But why did N have to see it? If only he could hate me. He ought to be the one torturing me, punishing me for not being able to save him.

After a time, my mind went blank. There was no room for thought around the agony. It felt as though my whole body was been slowly torn to shreds. I could smell my own flesh burning.

Then suddenly the world shifted and I was on the ground. Frigid water splashed over me, pulling my consciousness back. Rough hands were putting a stinging balm upon my wounds, and then bandaging me. And then N's voice returned to my sphere of reality.

"Black.. Please, say something.." His breath brushed against my ear, and the warm drops of his tears fell down onto my face.

"..N.." I could not recognize my own voice. "Don't cry.."

Of course he only cried harder.

For a long while I lay there, slowly recovering. It could have been an hour or a day. Finally I was able to sit up with N's help, getting my weight off of the gashes along my torso.

Having at last regained feeling in my hands, I pulled N forward and kissed him, but he pushed me back.

"Why are you like this?" He asked in a distressed tone. "Even though it's my fault, why do you still..."

"I told you." I managed a smile. "I'll always love you. This pain is nothing compared what you've suffered all your life."

A shadow fell over us, and I looked up to see Ghetsis standing behind N.

"Yes.." He said thoughtfully. "The two of you are alike, aren't you. Witnessing the pain of the other is worse even then experiencing pain, yourselves. It is amusing as it is perplexing."

N and I only had a moment to look at each other, to both realize what was coming, before Ghetsis knelt down and pulled N back towards him.

"NO!" I shouted even though my voice was too raw to even reach above normal volume. I tried to grab for him, but my ankles were still bound and I ended up stretched out painfully on the floor again, only close enough to wrap my arms around N's shoulders. "Leave him alone! Don't—"

My threat cut off when Ghetsis took a fistful of N's hair and pulled his head back so far he could not even breathe.

"The more you fuss, the more I hurt him." Ghetsis explained calmly. "Now stay there and behave like the helpless failure you are."

My stomach was churning again, but when I said nothing, N's hair was released. Biting my lip until I tasted blood, I pulled him as close as I could and cradled his head on my shoulder, gripping his hand tightly.

"It's going to be alright, N." I said softly into his ear. He whimpered but remained limp as Ghetsis forced his hips up. "I promise. We're going to get out of here, and live the rest of our lives far away from this place." I felt the force of Ghetsis thrusting into him and tightened my hand around his. "Hang onto me, N. Just hang on.."

All I wanted was to cry, to give up. I wanted to tell Ghetsis that I would do whatever he wanted if he would just _stop_, but in the end that would only be more of a betrayal to N. After begging for my release until his voice gave out, he now only clung to me and cried softly.

So I forced back my tears and kept talking, a poor and desperate attempt to distract him. "Listen to me, N. Focus on my voice. I love you. I love you so much. Soon things can go back to the way they used to be, and we'll be happy again. Please believe me. If we can just get through this then everything will be ok. I will save you if it's the last thing I do."

"Black.." He choked.

I pressed my cheek against his. "I know. I know. Don't think about it. It's almost over, just hold on a little bit longer. It's almost over."

I continued to ramble my useless words of comfort until finally it did end, and Ghetsis left N in a shuddering heap. Ignoring the pain that was making my vision fade in and out, I pulled N around as gently as possible so I could hold his whole body against me. Just like that, we fell into an exhausted and fitful sleep.

* * *

><p>Our Hell seemed unending. How long were we down there in that place? Days? Weeks? A month? It became increasingly more impossible to tell. My mind was degrading, everything had blurred into a haze of pain without any sense of what was actually happening. There was little difference between consciousness and unconsciousness. The feverish, formless dreams, and then being awoken by my head being held down in a barrel of freezing water before another session as Ghetsis's plaything.<p>

Sometimes I thought I heard N, or felt him holding me in the cell we were now kept in together when we weren't "needed". But I could no longer make out anything distinct about my surroundings, nor tell reality from fantasy. Was N speaking to me? I was never able to make out words. Sometimes I think I tried to say something when I felt he was near, but I don't know if I ever actually managed.

And then it all stopped, for a long enough time that I began to return to my senses. N was not there when I woke, and the Triad who were taking care of me answered none of my questions. They only changed my bandages and then dragged me back out to the torture chamber, setting me on the floor at Ghetsis's feet. I was unrestrained, but I could not have so much as gotten to my feet, let alone try anything.

I was about to demand to know where N was when I spotted him. He was standing beside Ghetsis, clean and dressed in his usual robes for the first time since this ordeal began. He would not look at me.

"..N..?" I asked, but it was Ghetsis who spoke.

"I will ask you one last time, boy. Do you submit to me?"

"You already know my answer."

He chuckled and nodded, obviously having expected that response. "You have lasted this long without breaking, and for that I must say that I am impressed. No one has ever come so far and retained their spirit. And so I am accepting N's offer."

"..What offer..?"

The wide grin that spread across Ghetsis's face made my blood run colder than anything else he had done thus far. Turning, he began to pace as he always did while lecturing.

"I was most surprised when N himself suggested it." He continued, ignoring my question. "But I am also very pleased. It seems he is not a complete waste after all."

"Just what are you talking about?" I growled impatiently.

Still with that triumphant expression, Ghetsis looked back down at me. "The deal he proposed was simply this: Your life and freedom in exchange for your swordsmanship. Do you understand?"

"..No.."

"Then I will spell it out." Crouching down, he lifted up my hands. "To destroy these is to forever keep you from lifting a sword again. You will never be able to come after N with your silly dreams of 'freeing' him, or cause me and my plans anymore trouble. That was the suggestion he gave me, and I quite like it."

I stared at him, unable to think. Then I looked over at N, whose head was still turned away. "N?" I asked him again, unable to believe what I had heard. "That can't be true..."

"Answer him, N. Look him in the eyes and tell him that you won't even give him the release of death."

Slowly, N met my stunned gaze. His eyes were so dull and cold it looked at though they had turned grey.

"You are hereby released of your duties as my knight," He said softly, without a hint of emotion. "And are exiled, never to take up the sword again."

The world was falling out from under me. "N, you can't.. You can't be serious.." The Triad was pulling me up, then strapping me to a chair. "N.. N, please don't do this..! Don't push me away! Not like this! Why are you giving up on me?"

"I'm tired, Black." He whispered. "You make me feel, and I don't want to anymore." Walking over to me, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. With his lips still brushing against my own, he spoke one last time.

"Please don't torment me with your presence anymore."

Then he left, without once looking back. The door shut behind him, and his footsteps faded away.

It was inconsequential to me that Ghetsis held a hammer and nail in his hands. That he leaned down and whispered in my ear that he had won, that the broken look in my eyes was perfection. I did not even feel the nail go through my finger until it was already in and Ghetsis had started on the next one.

Nothing mattered except that my worst fears had at last been confirmed: I had only made N's suffering worse.

* * *

><p>Third Person POV<p>

In the late evening, Cheren and Bel were in the kitchen of her family's inn, cleaning up after a day's work. They looked up at the sound of a carriage quickly pulling up outside, and could only stand there in shock when the back door was opened by a masked man, who then pushed a cloaked figure inside before the door was shut again and the carriage took off.

The person left behind took a small step forward before collapsing.

"My goodness, are you alright?" Bel gasped, she and Cheren both rushing forward to turn him over.

Then the hood of the cloak fell away, and for a moment they had to look closely before realizing:–

"..Black..!"

* * *

><p>...<p>

Well, I feel as though I should say a few things here. First of all, the content of this chapter, specifically the "enduring torture for the one you love" bit is actually my oldest fetish, and which I have no explanation for. My life as a writer is practically molded around my personal quest to make stories out of all the things love can make a person do, be it good, bad, or painful. I am obsessed with this notion, in fact. That's why the mixture of Isshu- and Harmoniashipping appeals to me so much, I guess. So.. yeah. There's my failed attempt at an excuse for writing this sort of thing.

I've never actually written a torture scene before, and I considered drawing upon that one phase I went through where I studied medieval torture devices with fascination, but all of them were either too over-the-top for Ghetsis's purposes, or would just do too much lasting damage, so I kept things vague and simple.

And another big thank you to my reviewers, just because you make me feel like I have done my job as a writer, and that's what I live for, so you guys make my world go round. Will there be a happy ending? You'll just have to see for yourselves, but I will say that my specialty is "neutral" endings, so take that as you will. Two more chapters and an epilogue is all that's left of this baby.


	6. Still, He Did Not Give Up

Um.. Yeah. I do not know what to say here so most of my comments will be at the bottom where they cannot spoil the chapter. ENJOY THE ANGST. THERE IS A LOT OF IT IN THIS ONE.

* * *

><p>When I woke up, I found myself laying in a bed. From the look of the simple room around me, I guessed that this was a hospital.<p>

So I was free.

N had done it. He had gotten me out of that place alive.

The pain throughout my body made me want to scream, but even that was dwarfed by the agony in my heart. Forcing my arms up, I looked at the mass of bandages wrapped around my hands; irreparable evidence of my worst mistake yet.

I had kept telling myself that I was strong enough to save him, strong enough to survive the torture, all because I had to be– for his sake. But in reality, was it just my stubbornness? My pride, even? Had I been so determined to resist Ghetsis that I neglected to consider how N felt? Was I the one who had ultimately driven him to make that decision?

N had known that the only way to save me was to give Ghetsis what he wanted, and he had known that in order for that to happen, he had to be the one to break my spirit. He knew just how to do it, too. Condemn himself to that fate, tell me that it was my fault, and then take away my ability to use the strength I had so desperately relied on. But how much of what he had said to me was genuine? Could I have spared him even a small amount of pain had I just given in like he had begged me to?

But even as I filled my head with all these questions, they could not help me avoid the one I did not want to think about.

_Had _I_ broken _him_ first?_

"Black! You're awake!"

I looked over to see Bel in the doorway. She leaned back out into the hall and called out to someone. "Come quickly! He's woken up!" Then she rushed over and sat down on a stool beside my bed, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Oh, Black! What happened to you? We've been so worried!"

Cheren burst in next, and I don't think I've ever seen him so frantic, but when he came to sit down with Bel, he spoke calmly.

"Don't just flood him with questions, Bel. Black, is there anything you need?"

It took a few tries to get my voice to work, but at last I was able to ask for water. Bel quickly poured some from a nearby pitcher into a cup, and gently lifted my head as she held it to my mouth. But as I drank the cool liquid, memories suddenly flashed into my mind of water being forced down my throat, into my lungs..

Choking, I jerked away as far as I could, my arm flying up to knock the cup away. The action sent agonizing pain shooting through my hand, and I cried out, my sight fading out for a moment. When it came back, I opened my eyes to see Cheren and Bel staring at me in shock and realized how I had acted.

"I.. I'm sorry." I said quickly, looking away. "I didn't mean.."

"It's ok, Black.." Bel reassured me softly. "Don't worry about it.."

For a long moment there was a tense silence, which I finally forced myself to break.

"How long.. Um.. How long have I been here?"

"You were unconscious for three days." Cheren explained. "The doctors say you'll make a full recovery.. Except.. Except for.."

I saved him from having to finish. "I know."

Several more beats of silence went by before Cheren spoke again. "Black, the official word is that you were injured in battle, but.. I've seen your wounds. There's no way you were hurt like that in a fight. Black, what _hap_—"

"A battle?" That interested me just slightly. "Tell me what you heard."

He blinked a few times before looking down. "According to what was announced, a group of rebels tried to assassinate the king. You defeated them all and saved his life, but.. But as a result, your hands are.. Um, once you recover there's going to be a ceremony to offer you a medal of honor— Black?"

A pain was consuming me again, but it was not physical. Without thinking I had forced myself up, but Cheren grabbed me before I could get out of bed.

_That bastard. THAT BASTARD I'LL KILL HIM._

As if everything he had done wasn't enough, he was going to rub my failure like salt into my wounds and make me a hero? I needed no sword– I will tear his throat out with my teeth if I have to.

"Black, stop it! Lay back down! Your injuries are going to reopen!"

"I don't care!" I heard myself shouting through the rush of blood in my ears. I was too numb to feel the effects of my struggling on my body, but I was also too weak to keep Cheren from pushing me onto the bed and holding me there. "Let me go! _Just let me go_!"

Bel was sobbing. "Please, stop! Stop it, I'm begging you!"

_N?_

I went limp as N's voice suddenly echoed in my mind, triggered by Bel's familiar words. His desperate pleas, his carefree laughter, screams of pain, moans of pleasure, and then—

"_Please don't torment me with your presence anymore."_

Cheren gingerly climbed off of me. "..Black..? Are you alright?"

"Leave me alone." I whispered.

"But—"

"Please."

Bel and Cheren looked at each other, but silently they left the room.

I lay still for a very long time, my mind drifting through the haze of pain, sinking further into despair.

There's nothing left.

* * *

><p>Time passed. My body slowly healed. I told no one what really happened, and eventually people stopped asking. Cheren and Bel visited me every day along with my mother, even though I said very little to them.<p>

The situation in the kingdom was apparently growing worse, but I did not care to pay attention. My days were spent sleeping or sitting in front of the window, breathing the fresh air and lost in memories.

When I no longer needed bandages, I took the time to examine my body in the mirror, taking in the multitude of scars that were spread across my skin. Having lived the life of a swordsman, scars were nothing new to me, and I had always rather liked them, as souvenirs.

N had been fascinated by that idea when I explained it to him.

As for my fingers, they sported two small dots each, on either side of the joints. The nails had been only just big enough to sever the bone, making a clean heal impossible. The doctor informed me that I would no longer have the strength or dexterity to use a sword, but I already knew the price of those scars.

To not cripple me completely, only just enough to serve as a constant reminder of how close I was to saving him– was that also N's idea? I hoped that it was. If he hated me, even a little, that must surely be better for him than continuing to feel guilt, to miss me.

And I? I would suffer with _my_ guilt, my regrets, my scars, and my love for him. That was all I could do.

* * *

><p>After I was released from the hospital, fingers still in splints, I confined myself to my bedroom, hiding from the world in general. Every night I woke up screaming as my mind took me back to that dungeon, until at some point my mother could not take care of me by herself anymore and Cheren moved in to help and slept next to me on the floor. I'm sure I must have occasionally said something in my sleep that hinted at what had happened, but he never mentioned it. I felt terrible for wearing him down that way I knew I was, and told him and my mother many times that I should just get my own place and live there alone where I could be a bother to no one. However, they and Bel all refused adamantly.<p>

I wished they would stop being so kind to me. Not only did I not deserve it, but every softly spoken word and gentle gesture reminded me that N had no one who cared about him. He was alone with a monster, all because I was a selfish fool who could not understand his warnings.

When people came to announce that the ceremony to award me a medal was being prepared, I locked my door and ignored everyone who knocked and begged and demanded I at least let them bring me food and drink. I think I might have been in there for days, but I had also shut up my window, so I had no way of knowing how much time passed. I would have been content to rot away just like that, but I had promised myself that I was going to live with my pain and loneliness for at least as long as N did. It was my own personal punishment for myself, and yet it felt like not nearly enough to atone.

Now I lay on the floor, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if it was safe to leave without having to hear about the celebration. I should probably get some water soon, at least..

As I mulled the thought around, barely even bothered by the hunger and thirst that had been clawing at me for quite some time, the door was suddenly slammed right off it's hinges.

I gaped in shock as three people walked in, followed by Cheren who looked angry, Bel who actually looked rather impressed, and my mother who looked very worried.

The three people in question were very familiar, and I felt I ought to know them, but I was either too stunned or too malnourished for my brain to work properly until I had taken in their appearances.

The one who had apparently kicked down the door was an unkempt man with wild orange hair who was currently reassuring my mother that the door would be fixed. With him was an elegant man with black hair and a long yellow scarf, sighing in exasperation and picking the door up off the floor to set it aside. The third was a tall young man with frizzy auburn hair and interestingly-coloured clothes. He ignored the situation entirely and came over to kneel beside me.

"Honestly, Sir Black.." He said, helping me up off the floor. "You made your mother worry terribly by locking yourself in here. Even pulling the shutters on your windows.. Let's get these open and let some light and fresh air in."

The tall man went over to my window, and as sunlight streamed into the room, I remembered. They were knights. In fact, the man who had ruined my door was none other than Sir Alder, the former "strongest swordsman" who had relinquished his title to go wandering. Having left no students, he had been the one to suggest a tournament to decide his successor. The two others with him were Sir Arti and Sir Grimsley, as I recall.

I lurched back and instinctively reached for my side, but my sword was of course not there. "What do you want?" I demanded, weakness making me sound less defensive and more defense_less_ than I had intended.

"Don't worry, Black." Cheren told me, apparently understanding my thoughts. "They are among the knights who defected months ago."

That made me feel significantly better. But even so, why were they here? "What do you want?" I repeated more civilly, sitting down on the bed.

"We'll get to that later." Sir Arti said, folding his arms. "But first you had better get some nourishment in you."

Bel rushed forward then, a tray sporting a plate of very good-smelling food and tea in her arms. "I was so worried, Black!" She sniffled. "And so were Cheren and your mother! Why did you lock yourself up like that?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized sincerely. "I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble."

"Just don't do this again, ok? Now here." Bel held out a spoonful of stew. I still was unable to use my hands, so she had always volunteered to feed me, and by this time I had gotten over my feeling of uselessness and just accepted her help.

"While you eat, let me redo your bandages." Cheren said as he sat down beside me.

"They're fine." The knights were still in the room, watching me closely. Whatever they were here for, letting them see the injuries on my hands would only complicate things. But when I noticed the way he was looking at me, I realized that they had come for something that had very much to do with the true nature of my wounds.

Glancing over at the three, I decided that it would only be a waste of energy to keep resisting, so I offered Cheren my hands and silently kept eating.

Just as he began to unwrap the bandages, he stopped and looked up at my mother and Bel. "Um.. Perhaps you both should leave for a few moments.." At my request, Cheren had made sure that the two of them did not know the exact details of all that I now hid beneath clothes and bandages.

"But what about your food.." My mother protested.

"This won't take long." Sir Alder reassured her.

"..Alright.." Bel got up and left with my mother, both casting worried glances back at me as they did.

Once they were gone, the knights came forward as Cheren finished removing the bandages and splints on one of my hands. "Here." He said, holding it up for them to see the pale scars and faint crookedness to my fingers.

"Oh, you poor thing." Sir Arti breathed.

Sir Grimsley also looked astonished. "Why would such a.."

"To keep me from ever holding a sword again." I answered dully. What do these people want from me? I'd rather do without their sympathy.

Sir Alder nodded solemnly. "Then it must be as you suspected, Cheren." His eyes turned back to me. "But what we're curious to know is, if you sparked Ghetsis's anger, why are you even still alive, let alone being honored as a hero?"

I pressed my lips together. I was not ready to talk about this. "Just say what you came here to say and then leave me be."

Sir Arti sat down on my other side. "We knights who left the king's service are doing our best to help the citizens. When we heard what happened to _you_, a prodigy in the art of swordsmanship, we were all shocked. After waiting for you to recover some, it was decided that a few of us would come here and find out what happened. Your friend Cheren has told us about your wounds, and the way you reacted to the award ceremony."

"What he's getting at is that odds are you have suffered at Ghetsis's hands. We would like to recruit your aid in the revolution we are planning." Sir Grimsley explained.

"But I can't—"

"That's not your fault." Sir Alder interrupted. "And even though you cannot fight with us, as my successor you are a symbol to the people. So many would stand bravely beside you."

A symbol? How amusing. For someone like me to serve as some sort of iconic motivator for a revolution is nothing less than absurd. Would a mere rebel army, although led by the kingdom's finest knights, even be able to overthrow Ghetsis? I had my doubts.

I shook my head. "Sorry. I'm not what everyone seems to think I am. I just want to be left alone."

There was silence for a while, but I did not look up from the floor to see anyone's reactions. Cheren was the one to first speak up as he finished bandaging my hands.

"Can't you at least tell us what actually happened?"

No. I couldn't if I tried. "It doesn't matter now. Besides, even if I could still wield a sword.. I can't save anyone. Not even one person." In the end it was _my_ life that had to be saved– a disgrace I will never be able to forgive myself for. "Good luck with your revolution, but I deserve no part in it."

The knights said nothing as they left, or if they did, I was too lost in thought to hear. Bel came back in and continued feeding me, and for the next few days, life returned to normal.

* * *

><p>I did not look around when I heard my –since repaired– bedroom door open one afternoon as I sat at the window, staring out blankly as the sounds of children in the street below filled my mind with bittersweet memories.<p>

To my surprise, the voice that spoke belonged to Sir Arti. "Do you really intend to wallow in misery like this for the rest of your life?"

Still not leaving my view of the sky, I remained silent.

_Just go away._

I heard him sigh. "I'm not here to lecture you. I only came to let you know what the result of this revolution is going to be."

"What makes you think I care?" I asked quietly.

"Oh, I think you will. Because Lord Nwill die."

A chill entered my bloodstream.

He continued. "The people blame him for their suffering– he is the king, after all. They won't be satisfied until he pays for it, and who knows what they will do with him."

_No. Oh god, no._

"You believe that you cannot save even one person? Just how many times have you tried? Your hands are crippled, and so that means your heart is, also?"

I stood up and spun around so fast that the chair fell over with a crash. "What do you know?" I shouted, tears stinging my eyes, but I stopped when I saw the serious expression on his face.

"Just keep in mind what we said. You are probably the only person who _can_ save him now. If you truly love him, then nothing should be able to stop you." He smiled. "Well, that's all I came to say." With that, he turned and walked back out, leaving me to stand there in shock.

Slowly I picked the chair up and sat back down. I knew he was right about one thing at least. The citizens would not know who was truly to blame, and so of course it would fall on the king. The mere thought of that made my gut clench painfully, and I felt sick.

But he said I was the only one who could save N? Just how can I possibly—

"_You are a symbol to the people. So many would stand bravely beside you."_

Then did he think that I would be believed if I told everyone who was really behind the monstrosities being committed? I remembered the plans I had made so long ago now, of getting N away and waiting for the revolution to settle our problems for us.

However, even if I could really make people understand that N was innocent, how would I keep him away from Ghetsis? That man would surely take everything out on him.

And then of course I had to take into account the fact that I would be seriously risking everything to once again defy Ghetsis. After all that N had done to get me out alive, I could not consider my life as my own to gamble. It would be a betrayal of both our sacrifices.

"_If you truly love him, then nothing should be able to stop you."_

I winced as those words seemed to stab me. Yes, I truly love him. But I had already been stopped before when I tried.

"_Just how many times have you tried?"_

I closed my eyes tightly.

_Shut up._

_Just shut up!_

"I can't.." I whispered. "I can't do anything.. I... I'm sorry, N..."

For hours I sat there, thinking. About N; his smile, the sound of his laughter, his innocence.. I thought about his tears and the way he would cling to me. I thought about the sound of his choked sobs and hopeless acceptance of the abuse he suffered. Most of all I thought about the things he had said to me. That so long as he could know that I loved him, he was able to bear it.

N had forsaken his gentle nature and cast me away in ruins to save my life. But what had I ever done for him that did not just cause him more pain in the long run? I had risked everything and lost once– was it worth it to try again?

* * *

><p><em>Third Person POV<em>

Cheren turned at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. "Black? It's so late.. Are you al—"

"I need you to help me get dressed." The young man said shortly. "We're going out."

"..What?"

"You know where the knights are, don't you? I want to meet with them."

Cheren stood, looking dumbfounded. There was a strange gleam in Black's eyes, a spark of determination he had not seen since his friend had made it his goal to become a knight. Were it not for the darkness that also lurked there, he would have looked like himself, again.

Closing his mouth which had opened to protest, Cheren nodded. "Alright."

Several hours later, they arrived at a cabin deep in the woods. Cheren knocked, and after whispering a password of some sort to the person behind the door, they were let in.

Gathered around the large main room were the kingdom's finest knights, deep in conversation, but everyone fell silent as all eyes turned to Black. From his place leaning against a wall, Arti smiled.

"I changed my mind." Black announced. "I will help you in whatever way I can. On one condition."

"And that is?" Grimsley inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Black's eyes hardened. "No one is to touch the king. His life belongs to me, and me alone."

* * *

><p><strong>~One Year Later~<strong>

_Black's POV_

It was as I was sitting in my room one day that they appeared. I had been half-waiting for them for quite some time now, but now at last they were here, just suddenly in the room with me– like phantoms.

The Shadow Triad.

"I was wondering when you'd show up." I said calmly.

"Lord N wishes to see you."

That I had not been expecting, and my heart leapt up into my throat. "..N..?"

"There is a carriage waiting outside."

Of course it could be a trap. Of course my compliance could mean the end of me. Of course I had no choice in the matter anyway. But it was that one piece of information that made me get up and follow the ninjas. They were more than capable of subduing me, so there was no need for any charade like this.

N wanted to see me.

I knew why. He must have at last gotten word of my involvement in the brewing revolution. More than brewing, it was nearing a boil, and the entire kingdom was tense.

Although it had not been easy for me to do, I had told everyone who would listen the truth about the situation in the government. N was Ghetsis's puppet, and every bit as much of a victim of that tyrant as anyone. The prophecy foretelling N's ability to lead this country to a new era was either fabricated by Ghetsis, or suppressed by him.

Keeping the true darkness of N and Ghetsis's relationship a secret, I revealed my scars and said that both the king and I had suffered for our feelings and my attempt to free him. As the one who knew him best, I was adamant that N was not at fault, and that my loyalty belonged to him alone.

Now after this long, I would see him again, and that fact was at once exhilarating and terrifying.

I was certain that I had become a different –a better– person since that last moment of ours. I was stronger in many ways, and my will would never be broken again, of that I had no doubt.

But had N changed?

While my thoughts swirled, it was to the castle garden that I was led, deep into the hedge maze where a gazebo I knew well stood. N was there, sitting on the stone bench inside with his back to me.

The Triad vanished as I stood still and quiet, a familiar sensation of affection filling me.

At last I broke the silence. "It's been a while, hasn't it."

When he said nothing, I took a step forward and continued hesitantly. "How have you been—"

"I did not bring you here for small talk." N interrupted, and I stopped my approach.

"If you wanted to see me, then you could at least look." I said softly.

My words were ignored. "What are you doing." He whispered, still not turning around. "What are you doing?"

"Exactly what I promised. I'm going to save you, N. I'm sorry that it's taking so long."

N stood up, but still he did not turn. "You fool! Even now you insist upon throwing your life away!"

"I've already told you that I don't plan on dying. I would not leave you like that."

"And you really think it has been by your power that you're alive right now? Do you have any idea what I have endured to keep him away from you?"

I walked towards him again, stepping around the bench and catching him in my arms when he tried to avoid me. "Then tell me. Tell me everything."

He flinched away from my touch as though it burned, but I held on, pressing my chest against his slim back.

"Stop. Please." N whispered.

"No." I murmured, pulling off my gloves. "I love you too much. Did you honestly believe that this would keep me away forever?"

He whimpered when I gently placed my hands over his face, and I felt tears. "N.. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Forgive.. you..?" He made a sound that should have been a laugh, but it sounded more like a sob. "How can you say that.. after what I've done to you?" His own shaking hands came up to brush against my scarred fingers.

"This is nothing. I just need to know that you still love me. That you won't give up on me this time."

"I... I didn't.. want to talk about this..."

"_Tell me_, N. Tell me if you love me or hate me."

"..Will you stay out of the revolution if I say I hated you..?"

"Not a chance."

N sighed, then turned around. For a moment he still would not look at me, but then at last he opened his eyes.

Of course he was the kind of person who did not look a day older even after two years. But he did look worn, drained even. And yet still so beautiful.

As for myself, I had let my hair grow out just enough to tie back in a low ponytail, and now I was only a few inches beneath him.

I could not help but grin cheekily. "I thought I had grown, but you're still taller than me."

N's lips twitched, and he reached up to trace his finger down along my jaw and over my chin. "You almost have a beard.." He mused, feeling the light stubble there.

"I hope you don't mind. Shaving is such a chore."

This made him blanch, and he tried again to jerk away from my arms. I grabbed him just in time and pulled him back against me tightly. "Don't." I said, both softly but firmly as I took his face in my hands and pressed our foreheads together. "Don't run away from this. You still haven't answered my question."

"I'm sorry." He whispered shakily.

"That still is not an answer."

"I had to.. Please understand, _I had to_–!"

"N, stop. I know you had to. You saved my life when I was too stupid to care about what I was doing to you. Now tell me if you still love me or not."

Timidly, his arms came around my waist. "I... I still love you... Black..."

I closed my eyes, letting those words wash over me. "Thank you." I whispered, closing the gap between our lips.

For a long while we kissed, and we almost seemed to be trying to drink each other dry, as though it was possible to swallow a person whole.

Then we sat down, as close to each other as possible, and stayed like that quietly, contentedly. Our time together, since the day we had met, has been so short, and yet it felt enough to fill a lifetime.

"Come with me." I said at last.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. We can run far away, where he'll never find us. You know, I traveled this past year, and far to the west, just outside the kingdom is a remote mountain range so beautiful it can make you cry. The rolling hills are covered in soft grass and wild flowers, and you will never see a bluer sky. I would lay there on the mountain, looking out across the green valley, and think about you. About how we could live there together, just the two of us.

"I couldn't help but picture what it would be like, to spend our days in the open air and warm sun, making love like we were the only people in the world. The scenery was beautiful, but it could never be perfect unless it was a backdrop for you, naked and sun-kissed and happy."

"That sounds nice." N said with a small smile. "I can't even imagine it."

"Well, I promised myself that once this is all over I will take you there. I'll build us a little cabin, and without anyone else we can live in our own private paradise."

"..Black.." He began, his face falling. "It's wonderful, but.. You realize that can never happen.."

"Yes it can. It will. We'll leave tonight."

"Black.."

"No, listen." I cupped his cheek, smoothing my thumb across his soft skin until he met my gaze. "Tonight at two A.M. I will be waiting at the pond. Meet me there, and we'll all-but fly from this place."

"That's too dangerous for you! Ghetsis doesn't even know I've brought you here, and I can only keep the Triad silent for so long..!"

I nodded, having to admit that. "I can only stay for an hour. From two until three I will wait for you."

"Please, don't—"

"I'm not leaving you behind again! If I have this chance to free you I will take it! So many strong knights will be helping me keep you safe, even those ninjas won't be able to drag you back._ Please_, N. Trust in me."

He closed his eyes, saying nothing as I carefully wiped away the tears that had resumed their flow. At last he nodded. "I.. I will think about it."

"You have to be willing to take the risk, N. Isn't your freedom and happiness worth it?"

"It's not worth your life."

I scowled, but leaned forward to kiss him anyway. "I have no life if it is without you."

N pulled me tightly against him for a moment before standing. "You should go. We've taken too long already."

"Promise me you will come?"

He looked down. "I told you I would consider it."

Then that would have to be enough for me. Nodding reluctantly, I kissed him once more. "I love you, N."

"I.. I love you.. too.."

Turning, he walked away, and just like before, he did not look back.

* * *

><p><em>Third Person POV<em>

N sat at his vanity, absently running a brush through his hair. Every few seconds he glanced at the clock. Time at once seemed to be racing and crawling towards three A.M., the moment when it would be too late.

Five minutes left. Four.. Three...

He would not be going. He had even dressed for bed to remind himself that he was staying, that he could not run through the dark night and escape from this place.

Two minutes. One...

'I'm sorry.' N thought as he began to shake. 'I'm sorry, Black. But you know.. You know I can never leave.'

Ten seconds.

'Please understand..!'

The clock chimed three.

The brush fell from N's hands as he covered his face. That was it, then. Black would leave, and he would stay. It was just like last time.

"So you're still here."

N looked up with a jump to see his father walking in. "Ghetsis.."

The man smirked and came over to stand behind his son, placing his hands on his thin shoulders. "Yes, I knew. No, I'm not mad. You made a wise decision."

"..Yes, Sir.." Fingers drifted along his neck, tracing the line of his jaw, and despite Ghetsis's reassurance, N wondered if that feather-light touch was going to choke him.

"Why have you stayed?"

"..Because this is the only place for me. I don't want to leave."

"Good boy. But you know.." Ghetsis leaned down to whispered in his ear. "He's still there. That intrepid boy is still waiting for you. In fact it seems that he intends to stay for at least another hour."

N's eyes grew wide. "..What..?"

"To think that even now he refuses to give up on you. Isn't that endearing?"

'Black, you fool!'

"How long will he wait, I wonder? Risking so much for your sake.."

'Get out of here before he captures you again!'

"Just let him be." N said softly. "He's harmless to us, now."

"Oh, but is he, really? Don't you want to go to him?"

"..I already said that I—"

"That's what you _said_." N flinched when Ghetsis's tone hardened. "But I know you, N. You want to run off with that filth."

"I don't–!"

"Then why did you sit here, watching the clock as though it was your very life ticking away?"

N shook his head firmly. "I will keep my word! I want nothing more to do with Black! ..Besides.." Standing up slowly, N turned around and pulled loose the ties of his nightdress, letting it fall to the floor. Wrapping his arms around Ghetsis's neck, he leaned in close until their lips brushed together. "I belong to you.."

With as much fervor as he could muster, N returned the rough kiss that followed his whispered words. He did not hesitate when Ghetsis pulled him over to the bed, and instead straddled his waist, eagerly tugging away the folds of clothing while he did.

"Such a good boy.." Ghetsis growled against his son's slender neck as he moved a hand down between the young man's legs. "You deserve a reward, I think."

N moaned at the touch and began rocking into it, winding his fingers through Ghetsis's hair.

_Go, Black._

_Please just leave me here._

_I was never meant to be free._

Letting his head fall back, N slowly took Ghetsis inside him, and the hand that was pleasuring him moved faster.

_The dream of us together was naive._

N gasped and clung to the larger man's shoulders, riding him almost desperately now. The pain was forgotten in his passion.

_This is where I belong._

Liquid heat burst deep within as Ghetsis groaned, and N cried out, following soon after.

_But don't you ever forget me._

Both falling back on the bed, N lay panting against his father's chest until he was pushed away. After a long while of waiting and listening to the man's breathing, until he was certain Ghetsis was asleep, N got up and went to the rug in front of the fire as he always did.

"Is he gone?" He asked quietly.

A dark figure appeared in the shadows nearby. "No, my Lord."

N closed his eyes. "Tell me when he is."

"As you wish."

In the end, Black did not leave until the sun began to rise, and then at last N fell asleep.

* * *

><p>First of all, I hope it wasn't as hard for you to keep from giggling at "Sir" Arti and "Sir" Grimsley as it was for me whenever I wrote it. "Sir" Alder kind of fits, though. Hooray for guest appearances.<p>

Now that that is out of the way, yes of course Black was not fooled by N's act in the last chapter. Because he's ALPHA AS FUCK. No, seriously, it always bugs me to no end when this sort of thing happens, where one lover is forced to drive the other away for his/her sake and that person just accepts that they are hated so easily. As if it's never COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that they're lying to save them. I mean, yeah it would hurt either way, but damn it sure pisses me off when they can't see through it. /end rant

And OMG timeskip! My mental image of slightly-older Black with long hair and stubble is delicious and I will draw it sometime soon.

Next chapter is the LAST ONE aside from the short epilogue which may or may not be uploaded as it's own chapter. It depends on how sadistic I'm feeling at the time. LOOK FORWARD TO IT.


	7. Author's Note

Alright everyone, just a brief update for those who don't follow my tumblr.

On this past Monday, my computer crashed and wiped out everything. Thankfully I had been expecting that to happen for some time and had all the important stuff backed up. Well, so long as you don't consider everything I had of N -pictures and all my writing- to be "important stuff". Which I do. So.. FUCK.

In other words, what I had written of Chapter 7 is gone, and will have to be redone. I am in the process of doing that now, but it's considerably depressing because I was particularly proud of it and I don't remember the wording well enough to rewrite it accurately. So it will take some time for me to finish as I try to get everything settled in the new and shitty XP I had to resort to installing just to be able to start up the computer. I deeply and sincerely apologize for the horrible timing -the last chapter, too. WHY- and I promise that within a week you will have it. In the meantime I am going to upload an old _Pet Shop of Horrors_ Leon/Count D smutfic that is actually the first yaoi I ever wrote. It's not that good, but there is never enough of that pairing, so.. yeah.

Again, I am very sorry for the wait.


	8. A Battle Was Fought in the Rain

At last! The final chapter! It's pretty short and to-the-point, but I feel that it contains everything. Hopefully it doesn't seem anti-climactic.. Please forgive any typos, I'm kind of tired and easily miss that sort of thing.. Otherwise, ENJOY!

* * *

><p>It was a couple days after my second failure to free N. Yes, it was my failure. I was still not strong enough for him to believe in me, and that was why he did not come. Deep down, a part of me almost wanted to believe that something had happened to keep him away, but I knew better. N had <em>chosen<em> not to escape with me.

I cannot stop trying. But I feel so out of options. If I could not convince him to come with me willingly, and if I could not win him back by force, then what am I to do? Just wait and hope that the revolution is a success? That path only brings back my original worry: What if Ghetsis takes out his anger on N and kills him? I could resort to kidnapping N, but how wretched is that? To free him against his own will would do nothing but make the situation I am trying to mend worse.

Overcome with frustration, I picked up a nearby stick from where I had been sitting on a log. It might be foolish to put all my hopes into swordsmanship, but if I could just wield a blade, then I would be able to defeat the Triad and Ghetsis myself. Why did N have to be so smart to know exactly what to do to keep me away? Gripping the stick tightly in both hands, I swung it through the air with all my strength, striking the nearest tree. As usual, it went flying out of my damaged grasp, and I was left again with the feeling of uselessness clawing at my stomach. Without my fighting ability, I'm just another boy. A nobody unworthy of even looking at the king, let alone touching him as I have.

I am useless now.

"Black."

Startled, I turned around to see Alder approaching. So he had returned from the month-long mission he was on. I looked away quickly, feeling slightly ashamed to know he had seen my pathetic struggle.

"They tell me you haven't said a word since you came back. Alone." He continued, and I felt thankful that he was ignoring my pitiful state. "So he did not show up?"

"No."

"You think that was his decision?"

I stared down at my gloved hands. "He still thinks he has to protect me." At least, I hope that was his reasoning. The thought that he might truly not want to be with me was too painful to consider. Not after he had let me hold him again after so long.

"What are you going to do now?"

I shook my head, forcing back the angry, hot lump that had formed in my throat. "I don't know." I told him honestly. Hopelessly. "I just don't know."

Alder leaned against a tree and folded his arms. "Have you given up?"

"..No. I can't give up. I won't."

"Good. Because I think I might know the answer."

"What?"

"I was finally able to track down who I was looking for. I've brought them back with me, and as I had hoped, they have what we need. But if my suspicion is correct, we're going to need you more than I even originally thought."

I frowned, confused. "I don't understand."

Instead of elaborating, he jerked his head back towards the cabin where the exiled knights all hid out. "Come and talk to them. You'll try anything to save Lord N, right?"

For a moment I did not move, wondering just what kind of solution he might have, but then I nodded and followed him.

Yes. I would try anything.

Once we had returned to the cabin, Alder led me over to two unfamiliar men who were undoubtedly twins.

"Oh!" One exclaimed with a foreign accent. "So zhis is him? Za boy you told us vas promising?"

Alder nodded. "That's right. What do you think?"

I glanced at my predecessor in confusion as the twins circled me like I was some sort of product. "Um.. Who are these guys?"

"Emmet and Ingo. They run an underground black-market business that specializes in antiquities."

That barely explained anything, unless I was now considered to be an antiquity. The brother that had not yet spoken pulled off my gloves and examined my fingers with a stern expression.

"Hm." He grunted. "I suppose it is possible, ja."

"Is what possible? What's going on?"

"But zhat won't matter if he is not vorthy."

Now I was becoming frustrated. I pulled my hands away and stepped back, uncomfortable with people seeing my scarred and slightly crooked fingers. "Will someone tell me what this is about, already?"

Alder placed his hand on my shoulder. "Black, you've heard the story of Zekrom, right?"

Of course I had. Zekrom was the legendary sword beside Reshiram, twins and opposing forces all at once. Many years ago, however, Zekrom had vanished without a trace, presumably stolen. "Yes. What about it?"

One of the twins picked up something slim and wrapped in cloth. Pulling the cover away, he revealed a beautiful black sword with radiant blue markings. "Zhis has been passed down in our family for generations since it came into our possession. Ve keep; for king's ransom, ja?"

The other took it and held it out to me as I stood there completely frozen in shock. "But Herr Alder convinced us to give it to you. If you are vorthy of unsheathing it, zhat is."

I looked between them and Alder, and then back to the sword. This was Zekrom? I was actually looking at one of my country's most priceless relics, which has been lost for so long? "But.. Give it to me..? I can't.. I'm not.."

"I believe that if anyone is capable of taming this sword, it's you, Black." Alder said. "You have the potential to be a hero that can stand beside the king."

I was shaking slightly, from nerves and a whole myriad of emotions. "But my hands.."

"Zhis is a magic sword. It vill compensate for your injury and even make you stronger. Go on, see if you can unsheathe it. You vill eizher die or be strengthened."

For a moment I hesitated, my mind swirling with frantic thoughts. Was this the answer? If I could wield this sword, that would mean that I will have the power to save N once and for all. That I would be worthy of being with him.

There was no room for doubt in my mind or thought of the danger. I _would_ do this.

Reaching out, I took the sword, feeling it's weight and the strange storm-like energy it exuded. Then I gripped the handle and pulled.

* * *

><p><strong>Six Months Later<strong>

**Third Person POV**

N stood on his balcony, head tilted back as he let the rain wash over him. The evening air was cool, almost chill with the onset of rough wind and heavy storm clouds rolling with thunder, and the many large droplets that splashed down on his face hit with enough force to sting. But he did not mind any of that. The cold was numbing, and the mild pain was oddly soothing. The rain had always felt like a cleansing force to him, as though it could wash away all his thoughts and emotions and leave him empty.

He wanted to be empty.

But it was so hard to stop thinking, to block the memories. Every time it rained he recalled the night Black had brought him in from the storm and laid with him before the fireplace, warming him and loving him. That was something he would never feel again.

_It's better this way._

"My Lord."

N turned and opened his eyes, blinking away the raindrops that clung to his long lashes. One of the Shadow Triad had appeared to kneel beside him. "What is it?"

"The revolutionaries have come to storm the castle. It would be safer if you went inside."

This surprised N slightly. Aside from what Black had told him, he had been kept very much in the dark about what was going on with the revolution that now seemed to have reached it's peak. "I understand." He said thoughtfully, but instead of remaining in his chambers, he headed towards the front of the palace, and it was there he found his father standing before the large windows.

Ghetsis glanced down at N as he walked over to look as well. Nothing much could be seen beyond the large stone wall surrounding the castle, but the wooden main gate was heaving with the force of the battering ram on the other side, and guards scrambled to hold it together.

"Hardly anything to worry about." The Sage said casually. "But I would rather you go deeper into the castle just to be safe."

"What do they want?" N asked, honestly perplexed.

"Why, they want you, of course."

"Me?"

A scarlet eye glanced down, seeming to pin N to the spot like an insect on a collector's board. "That boy didn't tell you? As the king, you are responsible for their discontent, and they won't be satisfied until they drag you out into the street and cut off your head." He smiled as he watched N shrink back in horror.

Quickly turning back to the window to escape the man's burning gaze, N wrapped his arms around himself. "Black.. Black wouldn't be a part of that sort of thing..."

Uncaring, Ghetsis shrugged. "Perhaps he thought he could get you out in time to save you. Although after the way you shunned him, I doubt he will even be here. ..Unless of course, he wants to kill you, himself."

N said nothing, and somehow the idea of Black taking his life was not an unpleasant one. To see hatred for him in Black's eyes just before the end might even give him at least some respite from the guilt.

"But as I said, you needn't worry." Ghetsis continued. "This little skirmish shall be quelled soon enough."

"What will happen to those people?" N did not resent them for their actions, nor their intentions towards him, and if dying could make it better, he would do so happily.

"Whoever survives will be made an example of. This is the perfect opportunity to capture the traitorous knights who instigated this nonsense and _educate_ them thoroughly."

Unconsciously, N's body tensed in anxiety and remembered pain, his mind flashing instantly to Black. Ghetsis noticed this, and smirked.

"I will continue to uphold our agreement. I won't lay a hand on the boy."

Relaxing slightly, N nodded. At that moment, the main gate was torn open with a loud groan of splintering wood, and in spilled a mob of people. They collided with the guards, and in an instant the front courtyard errupted with the sounds of shouting, screaming, metal clashing, and bodies hitting the soaked ground. Blood and sweat was washed away as quickly as it was shed, and still the rain came down.

"Oh, for pity's sake." Ghetsis muttered and looked over at the Shadow Triad hovering nearby. "Get down there and make sure those idiot soldiers keep the rats out of the castle. I don't want them dripping mud all over the place."

"Yes, Sir." The ninjas darted away.

N felt sick at the sight of such violence, and was about to turn away, to return to his room and wait for it to end, but then something caught his sight.

Striding through the large hole in the gate, seemingly oblivious to the torrential rains, was a swordsman clad in a long knight's tunic of black and blue. In his hand he held a sword as dark as the night sky which sparkled with brilliant azure lightning. With perfect ease, the knight joined the fray, striking his foes down like flies.

"Black..." N whispered, his blood feeling frozen with shock. "But how..."

To his surprise, Ghetsis chuckled. "So my suspicions were correct. That boy was able to find and tame Zekrom."

Of course. The legendary sword Zekrom. Just looking at the skill he wielded it with, it seemed to have become a part of Black's body. He was above everyone else, a being of inhuman grace and skill; untouchable. N could not help but think this was like a warped, grey-shaded fairytale- with the black knight storming a castle to save the king he loved.

In moments Black had cut a direct line through the battlefield towards the front doors. Pausing on the steps, he looked up and met N's wide eyes. Grinning, he pointed the sword at the two Harmonias, needing no words to communicate that he was coming for them. Then he entered the castle and disappeared from view.

But _why_. Why even now did Black not give up? Why did he risk his life to obtain that sword and overpower the damage done to him? N failed to understand why such a noble person would continually put himself in such grave danger for someone like him. A defective, broken, imperfect wretch who had taken away his one love's ability to fight did not deserve this kind of loyalty. Black was a fool for still loving him. For believing that this grey fairytale could have a happy ending.

Ghetsis watched his son carefully, the smirk never once having left his face. "So, my Lord N. What will you do?"

Slowly letting out the breath he had been holding, N closed his eyes for a moment, standing completely still. When he opened them again, the two green-blue pools were hard and cold as stone.

"This has to end." He whispered, then turned and walked away. "There should only be black and white in this world. Grey is but an imperfection." Pulling off his robe still soaking wet, he let it drop to the floor as he moved through the halls, stopping only to tie Reshiram to his waist. At last he reached the inner courtyard where he knew Black would meet him.

Once more standing in the tempest, his expression remained empty as Black appeared on the other side.

For a long moment they merely stared at each other, seeing the opposing resolve in their eyes and knowing what had to happen. At last N drew his white blade licked with flames that hissed and spat at the water, but did not go out. Black pulled Zekrom back out of it's sheath, the tiny bolts of blue electricity darting out to strike the raindrops that passed by.

To any onlooker, the scene might almost have seemed to progress in slow-motion as the lovers lunged forward, their cold serenity from before lost in a sudden blaze of passion. In that moment, time was insignificant, even non-existent. And then they clashed. With an echoing sound drowned out in the thunder that boomed above, the blades met with such ferocity that the collision sent a purple shock-wave out across the courtyard.

It was a battle to be made legendary. One not fought with skill or technique, but raw, unbridled emotion built up across their lifetimes. It was beautiful and carnal, every graceful movement filled with anguish and rage so powerful that each swing was almost enough to shatter bones as they pushed their bodies past their limits. The thick curtain of rain was slashed apart by the two blades that sent up sparks and steam alike as the nearly-blinding elements went unnoticed.

That which was communicated in the electrified and heated air between them was as intimate and wordless as their long-lost nights spent tangled in each other's arms, caught up in a writhing dance of need and want. In perfect tandem they moved, loving and hating and yearning all at once. This was how it began with them, and this was how it would end.

**Black's POV**

I cannot really say how it happened. Everything had blurred together and was given over to instinct, but suddenly it was over. Reshiram went flying from N's hand, and the next thing I knew I was pinning him to the rain-flooded ground, hearing the clatter of his crown rolling away as I held the sharp tip of Zekrom to his throat.

For several beats we stayed like that, struggling to catch our breaths. Then his look of surprise faded, and he closed his eyes. I felt him relax beneath me as his expression became calm. Accepting.

"Kill me." He whispered, with the same needing tone he had used when he first asked me to touch him.

Shaking my dripping hair out of my face, I threw Zekrom aside, but remained where I was straddling his chest. "Do you really think that I would ever do that, N?"

He opened his eyes, and since I was shielding him from the storm, I saw clearly the difference between his tears and the rain. "But I-"

"No. It's over, N. I won. Now I'm going to take you away from here, and we will be happy." I was not about to budge again, because clearly I could not let him be the judge of what to do with his life.

Looking pained, he shook his head in denial. "It's impossible.."

I smiled and placed my hand on his cheek. "Nothing is impossible, and I think I might be the best example of that. Just trust me, N. Trust me and let me love you."

"I want to." He sobbed, clutching the fabric of my shirt desperately. "Oh, how I want to. But.. But I.."

"I know." I assured him gently. "And it's alright. But I am not leaving you ever again, so you might as well just accept that right now. I don't care what you try to do, I will chain us together if I have to."

N laughed through his tears. "Y-you really won't give up on me, will you.."

"Never."

That was when a sharp force drove agony between my shoulder blades. My hand went up to my chest as I tasted blood in the back of my throat. Beneath me N's eyes grew wide with concern and confusion.

"..Black?" He asked, but without answering, I twisted around to see Ghetsis standing at the entrance to the courtyard, a crossbow in his hands.

_Oh no... No, please..._

"Black!" N sat up, his arms coming around me as I swayed. At that point he noticed his father, and the long arrow in my back. Having taken those things in, he stared down at me as if time had stopped.

"I have had quite enough of you two foolish brats." Ghetsis spat as he loaded another arrow and walked out towards us. "You have nothing but trouble and disappointments! Your imperfections caused me to miscalculate, and now everything is ruined! Now I will dispose of both you worthless defects!" He raised the crossbow and aimed at N.

Just as he fired, I shoved us both to the ground and felt the arrow whiz over my head. Without wasting a moment, I dove towards where I had thrown Zekrom. If I could just reach it before he reloads..!

But it was farther away than I thought, and a burning numbness was spreading through my body, making it sluggish. Was it the rain making my vision blur? Just as my fingers touched the handle, I felt something sharp press against the side of my head and froze. Slowly looking up, I saw a bright scarlet gaze and a twisted grin of victory as Ghetsis held the crossbow ready.

"I should have done this the moment I laid eyes on you, boy." He said. "It's a pity to have to kill you here. I would so like to take you back down to the dungeon and make sure you are broken beyond all hope."

I wasn't listening, because behind him I saw N grab Reshiram and lunge at his father, an emotion in his eyes that I had never wanted to see there.

Distracted by N's cry, Ghetsis began to look away, and taking advantage of that, I quickly lurched forward and pushed him out of the way just in time.

"N, STOP IT!" I bellowed as he turned to take another swing. Forcing myself onto my feet, I wrapped my arms around him, using the last of my fading strength to hold him still.

N struggled wildly. "Let go! What are you doing?"

As he almost broke out of my grasp, I reached down and grabbed the blade of his sword, ignoring the way it burned my skin and cut into my fingers. His shock at my actions at last made him stop.

"You're not a killer, N." I said firmly. "And don't you dare become one because of me when you never once lifted a finger to save yourself. He's not.. worth it.." Everything was spinning. Before my legs could give out completely, N dropped Reshiram and together we sank to our knees.

Any moment now another arrow would come sailing through the air, but I was between N and Ghetsis, so I could wait for it without worry. No, I should not think that. We both were going to die here. It was selfish of me to hope that I go first. Not after what he did to save my life.

"I'm so sorry, N." I whispered.

"No.. Don't apologize. ..At least we're together."

But the arrow never came, and at that moment we heard voices. Familiar voices.

"Black!"

Turning my face away from where it had been pressed against N's chest, I saw Cheren standing nearby, looking horrified.

I smiled. "It looks like I did something reckless after all. Sorry." But where was Ghetsis? Oh, Alder had him, and was dragging him away as he lost all pretense of elegance and screamed like a madman.

Letting out a sigh of relief, I relaxed against N. "Now it really is.. over." I said thankfully. Reaching up, I tilted N's face towards me. "You hear that, N? Saved just in time.. You're free now."

He shook his head and held me even tighter. "You can't die, Black..! You said.. you said you wouldn't leave me ever again..!"

"I did say that.. didn't I.." I'm so tired.. Every breath sends pain shooting through my chest.. "I meant it, too... You think I'll let.. a stupid arrow.. take me away from you..? How many times.. will I have to tell you.. to have some faith.. in me... Dammit.."

N was rocking back and forth, his whole body shaking as he sobbed. I pulled him closer and pressed his cheek against mine. "Hey, now.." I crooned, fighting to remain conscious. "Don't cry. You know how it hurts me.. to see you like this. Remember.. those mountains I told you.. about?"

"Y-yes.. You said that we would lay in the grass and sun together.. Just the two of us.."

"That's right.. We're still going.. Once this stupid.. rain lets.. up..."

N was screaming my name as I slipped into darkness.

**One Month Later**

**Third Person POV**

N took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air that was filled with the scent of wildflowers. The bright sun hanging in the pure blue sky shone down on him as he lay naked in the soft grass. Stretching languidly, he smiled and sighed.

"Yes.." He murmured. "You were right, Black.. It is so wonderful here. Can you see it like I do, I wonder?"

After a moment of silence, he turned his head and chuckled.

"Black, are you falling asleep, again?"

The dark-haired knight quickly opened his eyes. "No, I'm not!" He insisted from where he lay, also nude, next to the king. His cheeks flushed slightly when he received only a knowing look in return. "Oh, come on. I'm still recovering, you know! And you exhaust me.."

Sitting up, N straddled Black's waist and grinned coyly. "You are the one who insisted on coming out here to do this."

"It was a promise, after all."

N's gaze grew distant as his finger traced the bandages still wrapped around his lover's chest. "Yes. You kept your promise."

Black placed his hand over N's and squeezed gently. "I love you."

Beaming, the young king nodded. "I love you, too."

~And They Lived Happily Ever After~

THE END

* * *

><p>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- This is but the second time I have had the pleasure of writing THE END and closing a story forever. It is still an extremely heady feeling. *~*<p>

I hope everyone likes it and it meets your expectations! The "end battle" scene was actually the first thing I imagined for this story. Or rather, it came into my head and from it the "Grey Fairytale" was born. I don't often think of the ending before the beginning, but that's how it went this time.

I leave it up to you readers as to what happens to Ghetsis and the Triad. I figured an ambiguous fate would be most sensible.

What next? Well, I have a list of other Isshushipping fics that need to be written, so I'll start working on those. I'm also in the process of drawing older!Black, and I might include N and turn it into a little promo poster for this story or something. My art is horrible, though, so don't look forward to it too much.

ALSO I SHOULD MENTION that everyone here is now bound by magical contract and must read my novels once I get them published. Muahahahaha!


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